


Dear Sammy

by Saffyre_Boo



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26170654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffyre_Boo/pseuds/Saffyre_Boo
Summary: After the attack at Blaine's old school, he transfers to Mckinley a paranoid, anxious mess and thinks he will never be the same, until he meets Sam Evans, a caring, genuine person who teaches Blaine that he didn't have to be afraid anymore. He convinces Blaine to join glee, and they grow closer as good friends while Blaine is falling for him more and more. But then life happens, and things change in ways Blaine never expected.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson/Sam Evans
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Blam fic i wrote a couple years ago. I had it posted on fanfiction.net but i hardly use that site anymore. So enjoy some Blam awesomeness!

Chapter 1: Prologue

Blaine had been sitting there for so long that he was driving himself crazy with the continuous tapping of his pencil on the desk. He gave a frustrated sigh and slammed the pencil down.

What on Earth was he supposed to say? It's not like he's ever confessed his love to someone in a letter before, and even now he was reluctant to start. It was better than the alternative, he supposed. There was no way Blaine could tell Sam this in person. Blaine couldn't stand to think of the possible negative reactions- his best friend looking at him like Blaine had weirded him out or, God forbid, his best friend saying he didn't want to be friends anymore... No, Blaine certainly couldn't survive that, so he had decided on the cowardly move of writing this stupid letter. This way, Blaine could hand it to him and say a hasty goodbye, while still keeping a promise he had made to his dad that he would be honest with Sam. Also, he wouldn't have to worry about Sam's reaction for three whole months. 

Yeah, extremely pathetic.

A pang of guilt hit his gut at the thought of the upcoming, surprise goodbye. He had told Sam that he would stay in Lima this summer, but it was absolutely draining being around someone you love and knowing that love will never be returned. It was too much and Blaine needed a break from it all, so it was sickly convenient that his father's treatment center was on the other side of the country.

But no. There was no time to think about that now. He had one day to write this damn letter. It was the last day of school and Blaine had ditched his classes and went to the library. In order to ensure that Sam wouldn't find him (though Blaine doubted Sam would ever look in the library), Blaine had enlisted the help of Asian Persuasion herself. Tina was to tell Sam that Blaine was busy with a college counselor today, and that he would meet Sam in the choir room after school to go join the beginning-of-summer celebrations. In reality, Blaine was going to be a terrible friend and tell Sam he lied about leaving this summer.

Ok, he needed to focus. He had been sitting there for nearly an hour already and had accomplished nothing. With a nervous sigh he slowly wrote the words 'Dear Sammy' at the top of the page and hovered his pencil over the next line with uncertainty. Where was he supposed to start? Well, Blaine figured he'd better start at the very beginning, when he first met Sam two and a half years ago because, if he was being honest, Blaine had started crushing on him even then.

Blaine let his mind wander back through time and he thought about each moment that brought him here, each moment that he fell more in love with his best friend.


	2. First Encounters

Freshmen Year- January 6th

Blaine glanced down at his schedule one last time to make sure he was at the right classroom. Yep, this was it- freshmen Spanish, his last class on his first long and dull day at Mckinley High. He scanned the room for an empty seat, but quickly realized with dismay that the only available spot was next to a blond boy wearing a letterman jacket. Damn, Blaine had a terrible history with jocks. He sat as quietly as he could, wishing he was invisible. The blond boy looked over and gave Blaine a small, friendly smile, causing Blaine to squirm with panic. He kept his eyes straight ahead, his stomach starting to twist and knot. This happened a lot since Blaine had gotten assaulted at the Sadie Hawkins dance- talking or even making eye contact with new people made him paranoid. He was constantly on edge these days, as if around every corner there was another violent homophobe waiting to teach Blaine a second lesson. In his mind, Blaine knew this was ridiculous, but he still couldn't stop his body from wanting to flee every time he was around other people. It was inconvenient, to say the least.

"Alright, everyone!" the teacher- Mr. Schuester, Blaine recalled- yelled from the front of the room. "We have a new student this semester!" He said brightly and gestured to Blaine. "This is Blaine Anderson. Blaine, would you like to come up here and tell us about yourself?"

Oh, god no! Blaine groaned internally. He had been lucky all day until now. The teachers just said his name and moved on, but not this one. Evil man. Blaine's anxiety skyrocketed. He managed a meek, "Um, I'd rather not, if that's ok..."

Mr. Schuester smiled and nodded. "Of course. Welcome to the class." He turned to the whiteboard.

Blaine's whole body felt hot, so he knew that his face was likely as red as his bowtie. His heart was racing in his ears, but he still heard the few curious whispers. If only Blaine could crawl in a hole and disappear at this very moment, or spontaneously combust- anything to get out of this room.

As Mr. Schuester started the lesson everyone minded their business again, except for one person. Blaine could still feel someone's eyes on him. He glanced up and saw the boy next to him looking curiously at him through baby blue eyes. Blaine's heart jumped into his throat as he turned his head back to the teacher. Why was this guy staring? Did he already suspect that Blaine was gay? Blaine had to focus on slow breaths as panic threatened to overtake him. What would this guy and his friends do to Blaine? And did it have to be on his first day, for crying out loud?!

The longest few seconds in the history of time passed before the blue-eyed stranger finally looked away. Blaine remained tense for the rest of the class, not hearing a word of the lesson but instead focusing on bolting out of here as soon as he could. Mr. Schuester dismissed them, but before Blaine could even attempt his escape, the blond boy stood up and held out his hand with a friendly smile. "Hi, I'm Sam. Sam Evans."

Blaine froze at the friendly gesture. After a few seconds too long he responded, "Blaine," squeezing Sam's hand briefly and letting go instead of shaking properly.

"So do you like to sing?" Sam asked.

"What?" Blaine was taken aback by the pure randomness of the question. Was it a joke? He cleared his throat. "I mean, yeah, I guess." Blaine shuffled his feet uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to be far away from this place so he could breathe normally again.

Sam's eyes lit up. "You should totally come to glee club!" he exclaimed. "Mr. Shue is the director and we're always looking for new members."

"Oh, uh..."

Mr. Shue chimed in, "You would love it, Blaine. We're headed there now if you want to come see what it's like."

Blaine felt on the verge of passing out. His eyes flitted from Sam to Mr. Shue and back as he tried to think of a way to say no without being rude. "Um, not today. Maybe another time," he mumbled, and without missing a beat he was out the door and practically running to his dad's car.

He got in the passenger seat and sighed in relief. His dad gave him an apprehensive look before asking slowly, "So how was your day?"

That's when Blaine realized it actually hadn't been that bad. In fact the day had been boring until Sam and Mr. Shue talked to him, and at least they were nice. "It was actually ok..."

"Then why do you look so relieved to be leaving?"

Blaine couldn't think of a reason that didn't make him sound crazy. "I'm just tired," he lied.

Dad knew better though. After all, he had seen first hand how bad it really was- the panic attacks and nightmares.

"It will all be ok, son," Dad said knowingly, giving Blaine a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. Blaine nodded vaguely and just hoped his dad was right.

January 22nd

Life at Mckinley was going smoother than Blaine expected. He had managed to stay off the radar. All anyone knew about the new guy was that he kept to himself and wore a lot of bowties. The only contact Blaine had with another person that he didn't mind was in Spanish class, where everyday Sam would turn to him with a friendly smile and say, "Hi Blaine!" like they were the best of friends. Blaine even sat by himself in the hallway at lunch, and then he would head to the library when he was done eating. He had no problem with this lifestyle, as unhealthy as he knew it was.

Blaine was on his way to Spanish class when he saw Kurt, a boy from his history class, get pushed into a locker just a few steps ahead of Blaine. The two bullies walked away casually, and when they were a safe distance away Blaine went to go help Kurt pick up his belongings, but Sam had beaten him there.

"Are you alright?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Thanks, Sam."

"That Karofsky guy just won't let up," Sam said irritably.

Kurt smiled. "It's ok. He's just a coward. So, are you ready to perform in glee today?"

"Yeah. I'm singing a One Direction song to Quinn so hopefully she'll rethink getting back with Finn."

Kurt laughed and rolled his eyes. "You know that singing about love triangles in glee never ends well."

"I know, but it's worth a shot," Sam chuckled. Just then he looked up and noticed Blaine, who was just standing there eavesdropping like a weirdo. "Hey Blaine. What's up?" He asked in his usually friendly manner, as if Blaine wasn't just caught being extremely rude.

"Oh, hi. Not much. I mean, I was just coming to see if you were ok, Kurt, but nevermind, I guess," he said awkwardly and attempted a smile before rushing into the classroom. Well, that was embarrassing.

Sam followed and took his seat next to Blaine. "So how do you like Mckinley so far?" He asked.

"It's good," said Blaine. Wow, he sucked at making normal conversation these days. He looked away nervously as his mind drew a blank on how to talk like a regular human being.

"I like your notebook," Sam said, nodding towards Blaine's X-men book. "Who's your favorite character?"

Thank God, an easy question. "Wolverine," Blaine answered reflexively.

Sam chuckled at his quick reply. "Yes! I knew you were cool!"

Blaine had to laugh at that. "I like your definition of 'cool,' then."

"Have you seen the new movie yet?" Sam asked excitedly, practically bouncing in his seat.

"No," Blaine said regretfully. He couldn't remember the last time he saw a movie.

"Oh, bro, you have to see it. Its my favorite one so far," Sam said.

"I'll remember that."

Mr. Shue called the class to attention. Sam smiled at Blaine and then looked forward. Huh, sadly that was the most he had talked since he started at this school, and the surprising thing was that Blaine wasn't feeling that familiar anxiety ball that he usually did. Maybe it was just that Sam was so friendly and non-threatening that it was impossible to be scared of him... Plus he smiled a lot. Blaine liked his smile. It was cute. His hair was cute too. Ok, Blaine would admit it, he thought Sam was all-around attractive, and he was nice, which made him even more attractive. Blaine felt guilty for assuming that Sam was nothing but a bullying jock that first day, when in fact Sam was kind enough to rush to the aid of the only out gay guy in school.

Maybe Blaine should try out the glee club. It wouldn't kill him to meet new people. It may make him a fidgety, paranoid mess but it wouldn't kill him. If anyone asked Blaine why he then joined glee, he would say that he was trying to be more involved in school, or maybe even trying to move on from what happened at his old school, but only Blaine knew that the real reason was because he liked the idea of spending more time with Sam, and that was incredibly stupid considering that Sam was planning on singing a love song to a girl that very day.

There was nothing wrong with just admiring from afar, right?

March 17

"Nice bowtie, fairy!" Karofsky guffawed loudly. Azimio laughed right on cue and took a threatening step toward Blaine. They both laughed at how Blaine flinched and backed right into a locker.

"Aaw, he's scared," Azimio cooed. "Just go run to your butt buddy, Lady Hummel!" He and Karofsky bumped fists and strutted away.

Blaine's flight response was in overdrive as he hurried to Spanish class.

It had started. The school had found out he was gay- well, really everybody just assumed because Blaine had sat with Kurt at lunch, but Blaine did officially come out to the glee club. And now it was happening again. How long would it be until Blaine would be forced to transfer again? How long until something bad happened?

Blaine plopped into his chair, breathless and a little shaky.

"Dude, are you ok?" Sam asked the second he saw him.

"Yeah," Blaine lied.

"Did something happen?"

"No, everything's fine," Blaine huffed before quickly taking out his phone and texting his dad asking him to be there right after school today. No way Blaine was going to glee in this state. After hitting 'send' with a shaky finger, Blaine looked up to see Sam still watching him, concern etched in every feature.

"It was Karofsky, wasn't it?" Sam guessed correctly.

"I said it's fine. Just leave it alone, ok?" Blaine begged. Sam grimaced but bit his tongue.

Blaine focused solely on taking his notes as a distraction, but the minutes still dragged by at an agonizing pace. When the bell finally rang, Sam turned to him. "Ready?" He asked.

Blaine hoisted his bag over his shoulder. "Actually, I'm just going to head straight home today. I have a lot of homework." That was a blatant lie. Outside of glee club, Blaine had no social life so there was nothing to do but get ahead on his school work. Even glee club didn't count for much. Blaine had only ever sang one song at Kurt's insistence. He was perfectly fine being in the background now, or playing the piano on occasion. He talked just enough not to be considered strange, but also kept a safe enough distance so that he never fully committed to anyone or anything. He just preferred it that way.

"Regionals are this weekend, man. You should come," Sam urged gently.

"I know the moves well enough," Blaine dodged. "Can you tell Mr. Shue I'll see everyone tomorrow, please?" He gave Sam a pleading look. His only goal was to get home, get to safety so that his intestines would stop twisting with anxiety.

"Alright," Sam surrendered reluctantly.

"Thank you," Blaine breathed and hurried out of the room. When he got into the car Dad noticed his obvious distress and relief to be going home, and he knew it was one of those days. Blaine appreciated that Dad didn't try to make him talk about it. Unlike Mom, who would try and pry Blaine's feelings out with a wrench, Dad never forced Blaine to talk about things. That was one of the things Blaine loved most about him.

When he got home Blaine went straight to his bedroom and decided that reading should get him out of his head. About an hour later Blaine was so engrossed in his story (about zombies and teen superheroes, naturally), that he didn't hear the doorbell ring or his dad go and answer it. Blaine jumped when Dad opened his door. "A friend of yours is here to see you."

That sentence sounded so completely odd that Blaine just gave his dad a puzzled look.

"He said his name is Sam," Dad said unsurely.

Sam? What on Earth was Sam doing here? Blaine slowly made his way to his front door, hating that now he felt nervous in his own house. He opened the door and, sure enough, Sam Evans was standing on his front porch, with his tight black tee and blue jeans and blond hair shining in the sun, his backpack hanging lazily over his left shoulder. Why does he have to be so hot? "Hey, Sam... What are you doing here?"

"Can i come in? I need to talk to you," Sam said.

"Sure..." Blaine stepped back and gestured Sam inside.

Sam looked around in what could only be described as wonder. "Wow. Nice house, dude!" He exclaimed before making himself comfortable on the couch.

Blaine sat in his dad's rocker recliner, trying his hardest not to show how uncomfortable he was. Sitting in his living room talking to a cute guy was so not in Blaine's comfort zone. "Thanks," he muttered. "So, what do you want to talk to me about?"

A short pause before Sam stated bluntly, "I think you should sing a solo at Regionals."

Blaine would have laughed at the absurdity of the idea but then he realized that Sam was serious. "What? No way! Why would i do that?"

"Because it could help you," Sam said as if that explained anything.

"I'm not following..."

For the first time since Blaine met him Sam actually looked nervous. After a moment of hesitation Sam explained, "Well... Ok, look, you were driving me nuts being all quiet and mysterious... I wanted to know more about you, I guess, so a couple weeks ago I... Uh, I did some digging and found out what happened at your old school," Sam looked down guiltily.

Blaine's insides turned to ice. Sam did what? He knows? He's known for a couple weeks, oh god...! How freaking humiliating! "How did you...?"

"I convinced Ms. Pillsbury to tell me," Sam answered Blaine's unfinished question, still with that shameful tone. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I just- I wanted to help you. And singing does help. I know its corny but you'd be surprised at what music could do."

Blaine didn't have the power to say anything. Blank. He was blank. His brain was static right now. After Sam realized Blaine wasn't going to respond he suddenly unzipped his backpack, reached in and then thrust some papers in Blaine's direction. "Cher is one of your favorite artists, right? Look, I'm just asking you to consider it. Quinn and I would give the opening number to you instead."

A moment of silence as Blaine tried to think of something to say. Since he was floored at the proposal of a solo, he said instead, "How did you know I liked Cher?" as he saw the song in his hands: 'You Haven't Seen the Last of Me.'

"Oh, I heard you and Kurt talking about it once," Sam said dismissively. "Anyway, will you consider it?"

This was insane. Blaine hated that Sam knew everything, and he couldn't handle this crazy solo idea or the earnest look on Sam's face as he waited for an answer. "I'll think about it," Blaine said quietly, though he couldn't even imagine actually going through with it.

Sam smiled in victory anyway and got up to leave. 'Awesome! You would be great, I know it. You just have to sing with everything you've got and, most importantly, you have to believe what you're singing," Sam said in a teacher-like tone.

Blaine's head was spinning. Too much was happening in one day. "I'll let you know by Thursday, ok?"

"Great!" Sam smiled, but then it faltered. "You're not mad at me, right? I know it was wrong to do what I did, and I'm sorry. I really just wanted to help."

Blaine couldn't help but give Sam a tired smile, because it was so nice of him to care enough about a random classmate to go through all of this trouble. "No. I'm not mad. Just... Don't tell anyone about what happened, ok?" Asking that made Blaine feel so exposed, but it needed to be asked.

Without warning Sam was embracing Blaine in a quick but tight hug. "Of course I won't. I promise," he said sincerely into Blaine's neck. He stepped back and smiled one more time before departing.

Blaine stayed in the recliner for quite some time after that as he processed what just happened. Sam knew everything and he wanted to help, but could Blaine possibly sing about such a personal experience in front of all of those random people? What if he were to cost the New Directions the whole competition? A small voice in Blaine's head said he should go for it. He did love to sing and maybe it could help him, like Sam said. Maybe Blaine wouldn't be so afraid anymore. If so then it was worth a shot, wasn't it?

Blaine went back to his room, put on the Cher song on his ipod and plugged it into his speakers. There was no harm in just trying it out, after all.

March 22- Regionals

Everything was still, the atmosphere bursting with suspense as the host got ready to announce the winners. This was it. This was when Blaine would find out if he ruined it for everyone. He sang his solo as passionately as he could, but the competition was fierce. Blaine found that Sam was right after all- Blaine did feel better after the performance. It was a cathartic release of things Blaine had been carrying for too long. Right now Blaine was so full of adrenaline and endorphins that he was soaring. He looked up at Sam to see if he looked as nervous as Blaine felt. On the contrary, Sam was smiling like they had already won. He leaned in and whispered, "We got this. You were amazing!" He gave Blaine a side hug and Blaine tried to will away the tingles he got from the closeness.

"And the winner of this year's Annual Lima Regional Show Choir competition is....."

Everyone stopped breathing. Blaine squeezed Sam harder in anticipation.

"From Mckinley High School, the Neeeeww Directiiioons!" The host roared, and the auditorium exploded with cheers and confetti. Blaine clapped and jumped in utter relief. Everyone started hugging each other, and Blaine was so ecstatic that, for the first time in a long time, he was free of that tightness in his chest, that constant fear in his gut. He let himself enjoy being with these people and enjoy the feelings of comradery and victory. He hugged Sam with a huge smile on his face.

"You did it!" Sam yelled happily.

Blaine looked up at him through the falling confetti and yelled, "Thank you!" He was so grateful Sam made him do this. Sam seemed to understand what he meant as his smile turned a bit shy.

Then he screamed loudly in celebration, making Blaine laugh at his playful nature. Blaine felt elated, like he was floating. Later that night Blaine realized that he wasn't just feeling this over winning- he was feeling this because his crush on Sam had grown a little bigger that night. He would just have to ignore it. It would pass soon, and Blaine felt that he and Sam were were actually friends now, and there was no way he was going to mess that up.


	3. Friendship- Part 1

Chapter 3: Friendship- Part 1

April 1st

Blaine walked cautiously to class that morning. Karofsky had been giving him and Kurt a hard time lately, so Blaine came to school a nervous wreck, but what else was new? He was on constant high alert, keeping his eyes and ears out for any sign of Karofsky and his cronies.

Blaine had a particularly bad feeling that morning considering it was April Fools Day, and bullies had nothing better to do than pull pranks and humiliate their prey. Turns out, Blaine had good reason for being uneasy. After history class, Blaine said goodbye to Kurt and headed to Algebra, ready to flee if necessary. He felt them approaching as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He flipped around and, sure enough, there was Karofsky and Azimio, each holding something behind their back with devious smirks on their faces.

Blaine didn't wait another second. He turned and weaved in and out of the crowd and ran to the nearest door, which led to the boys locker room. Unfortunately the bigger boys saw where Blaine went and had him cornered within seconds.

"Relax, we're just here to give you a refreshing morning beverage," Azimio taunted. Blaine tried to run but Karofsky used his free hand to shove Blaine against the wall, pinning him against the cold tile. Bile rised in Blaine's throat as emotions from that horrible night made his insides twist with fear.

"Of course you would run to the boy's locker room," Karofsky said in a disgusted tone. "I bet you're just waiting for them to come in here and strip."

The next thing Blaine knew he was covered in blue, sticky and freezing slushie. Luckily he had closed his eyes in time.

"Have a nice day!" Azimio and Karofsky left just in time for the boys gym class to walk in. Blaine sloppily wiped his face and went for one of the showers, but it was a futile attempt at escape. He froze where he stood.

Thankfully, by some miracle of the universe, both Sam's and Finn's second class was gym, and they were immediately at Blaine's side as some of the other guys started laughing. "Blaine, are you ok?" Finn asked, not because of the slushie that was now dripping down his back, but because Blaine was pretty sure he'd started shaking. He took off without a word into the hallway and to the nearest bathroom. He knelt over the sink and tried desperately to catch his breath. A couple minutes later Sam walked in. Blaine hurriedly turned on the faucet and started cleaning up, embarrassed at Sam and Finn seeing his reaction.

Sam handed Blaine a gray T-shirt. "Here, it'll be big on you, but it's better than keeping that on," he nodded at Blaine's soaked shirt.

"Thanks." Blaine took it gratefully and went into a stall to change. As he walked out Sam chuckled and joked, "Wow, Blaine without a bowtie. Never thought I'd see the day!"

"Oh ha-ha," Blaine replied sarcastically, but now that he thought about it he was quite bummed that his favorite yellow bowtie was now stained puke-green. He checked himself over in the mirror for any remaining blue spots.

Sam looked at him sincerely and asked, "Are you ok?"

Blaine shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "Yeah. It's just a slushie."

But Sam knew the truth, and he wasn't buying it. He was nice enough to let it go though, and he offered to walk Blaine to class. They approached the door and Sam paused. "Hey, wait for me after class, ok? I'm going to start walking with you and Finn will walk with Kurt. We're sick of Karofsky's crap."

Blaine nodded. He could not turn down that offer after what just happened. Jeez, it was so depressing that the day was just starting. Blaine was spent and beyond ready to go home.

"Hey," Sam said suddenly. "Would you want to come work out with me after glee club today?"

Sam really had a knack for catching Blaine off guard with the most random questions. Blaine had never worked out in his life and he was not eager to start. "I don't really do that kind of thing..."

"Then why not start?" Sam asked nicely.

Blaine shuffled his feet. "I don't know, Sam. Why don't you ask someone else?"

"I want to teach you how to box," Sam said, and continued quickly at the incredulous look on Blaine's face. "Just hear me out. Not only would you look and feel awesome, but you could also defend yourself, you know?"

Blaine continued his astonished stare. He couldn't picture himself exercising in a gym with a gorgeous guy he was crushing on. Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. "I appreciate the offer, Sam, but maybe another time. I just-I've never done that before and- I, uh-" Blaine spluttered.

"No problem, man. Just let me know if you change your mind." Sam gave him a quick hug (he was affectionate with literally everyone) and asked one more time, "You're sure you're ok?"

Blaine smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, and he was surprised that he really was feeling ok despite what just happened. At his old school Blaine never had friends to defend him. At least here he wasn't alone.

"Ok. I'll see you later," Sam departed with his usual cheerful grin.

Blaine walked in to math class and quickly took his seat as he was late, still thinking about Sam's offer. Where in the world did such a kind person like Sam Evans come from? And why, WHY did he have to be so freaking hot?

May 13th

"Come on Blaine. There's no one in here," Sam assured again. Blaine padded awkwardly into the weight room, feeling as out of place as a polar bear would on a desert. Next to Sam, Blaine looked like a twig, and very undefined and unfit, weak twig.

"Put your gloves on," Sam instructed as he led Blaine to the punching bag. Blaine slipped on Sam's spare pair of gloves that were two sizes too big.

So Blaine had finally taken Sam up on his offer because he had to do something. Even though the end of the school year was looming near, Blaine didn't think he could handle Karofsky for another two and a half weeks. It's not like Sam and Finn could be glued to his and Kurt's hips twenty-four seven, so there had been a few incidents- nothing crazy, just a some mild locker shoves, but it was enough to slowly wear Blaine down. He may have been doing better with his anxiety since regionals and making new friends in glee, but that by no means translated to being cured, and the constant fear of running into the wrong person was not good for Blaine's progress.

"Alright, show me what you've got," Sam said enthusiastically.

"What? I don't 'got' anything. That's why you're teaching me?"

"I have to see what I'm working with, don't I?" San countered with a mischievous smile.

Blaine was quickly regretting this decision. With a reluctant sigh he punched the bag a few times, feeling the butterflies awaken in his gut at Sam's watchful gaze. Blaine stopped after a few seconds. "Sam, I probably look ridiculous," he complained.

"Dude, you don't! Your stance wasn't even that off. Watch." He showed Blaine the proper ready position and did a few swings, looking far more like a boxer than Blaine did. Blaine's face flushed slightly when he started checking out Sam's arms, not for the first time... Seriously, it should be against the law to be this attractive, Blaine thought bitterly. How was one not supposed to like Sam?

"Ok, now you try," Sam breathed. He looked at Blaine and gave a knowing smile. "I'm not letting you back out of this, Blaine. Pretend I'm not here and that the bag is someone who you've always wanted to take a swing at, like a mean teacher or something.

Blaine chuckled at Sam's casual tone. "I've never thought about punching a teacher before. Maybe Karofsky, though."

"Perfect! That's even better! Now try again, and soon enough you'll be the next Rocky." Sam screwed up his face to do his best Sylvester Stallone impression. "Adriaaaaan!"

Blaine laughed heartily. Some people thought that Sam's impressions weren't that funny, but Blaine loved them, and it seemed to make Sam happy whenever he laughed at or complimented them.

He tried a few more punches, and his heart did a wild flip any time Sam grabbed his shoulders or arms when he needed adjusting. Half an hour later Sam had taught Blaine a few basic moves. Blaine was sweating like a pig and hurting and winded, but he also felt the rush of endorphins that put him in a really good mood.

"Good job, dude! Not bad at all for a first lesson," Sam high-fived him. Blaine chuckled, feeling more relaxed than he had in months. He almost felt like himself again for a moment, and that was so refreshing.

"If you say so," Blaine said skeptically. He knew he likely looked like an uncoordinated tween, but he was grateful that Sam was too nice to say so.

They changed clothes and headed outside into the humid evening. "We'll practice more on Saturday, yeah?" Sam asked with an energetic bounce in his step.

"Sure."

"I'm totally playing 'Eye of the Tiger' next time," he started wildly playing air guitar.

Blaine let out another care-free laugh, wishing this feeling could last forever, and lamenting the fact that Blaine was sure the anxiety and fear would return. It always did.

"Oh, hey!" Sam suddenly exclaimed. "Do you want to go grab some food and then go to the comic shop? They're having a sale. 30% off of Marvel stuff!"

Blaine's eyes widened. "Really? Like, ANYTHING Marvel?"

Sam nodded emphatically, his eyes just as wide as he waited for Blaine to answer. "Well, I can't say no to that, can I?" Blaine smiled, his heart warming at how happy Sam seemed to be hanging out with him.

At least, for tonight, Blaine could postpone his brain's inevitable return to loneliness and nerves. Right now, he was enjoying the company of a good friend. He could deal with everything else later.

Perhaps this boxing idea wasn't so bad after all.

May 30th- Nationals

No one could hide their disappointment as the confetti rained down for Vocal Adrenaline, the new national champions. The New Directions had placed third. Everyone looked utterly defeated, but Blaine didn't think anyone was as bad off as Rachel. She looked like she was on the verge of a stroke and Finn had to literally hold her upright. Who else would start hugging and comforting people than Sam, who kept saying "It's ok. We'll get them next year." Blaine appreciated it, but he still felt so disappointed because he really thought they had a shot. They had been rehearsing non-stop for the last two weeks.

The New Directions solemnly exited the stage as Vocal Adrenaline continued to celebrate. Kurt came and gave Blaine a hug. "I can't believe this," he said woefully. "If we can't win using Whitney, we simply can't win!"

Blaine nodded whole-heartedly. "This sucks. They weren't even that great. I mean, the theme was 'Classic Hits.' I love me some Lady Gaga, but she has so not been around long enough to be considered classic!"

"Agreed. Now, let's go eat our feelings away. Are you with me?" Kurt asked.

"Definitely."

Xxxxxxxx

Blaine sat stewing in guilt as the New Directions began the long bus drive home. He was afraid something like thus would happen. He had noticed how Kurt would look at him or laugh a little too hard at Blaine's jokes. Blaine just wished it didn't have to happen on the night they lost nationals.

Kurt and Blaine had gone to a pizza place. They talked about Broadway and their plans for the summer. Blaine informed him that he was travelling to Los Angeles this summer with his parents to visit his brother. Blaine wasn't too fond of Cooper, but he was still excited to spend three months in the City of Angels.

At this news Kurt seemed crestfallen, and that's when he said that he was glad they had become such good friends, and then he asked Blaine to go out with him. Being as naturally awkward as Blaine was, he spewed out some lame excuse that he wasn't looking for a boyfriend right now and that they should stay friends. Kurt had interrupted him, pink-faced. "That's ok. I totally understand. Uh, I'm gonna go pack my stuff," he said with a forced smile. Then he was gone, and Blaine was left alone in a random pizza joint in New York.

Blaine cringed as the scene replayed in his head yet again. Kurt was really nice, but Blaine couldn't see himself in any kind of relationship right now, even with a certain blond quarterback. First of all, Blaine wouldn't be comfortable with PDA of any kind after what happened. He was already getting enough crap from people like Karofsky- imagine what they would do if they saw Blaine and Kurt holding hands in the hallway! Also, Blaine just didn't like Kurt in that way. He was cool to hang out with and Blaine would always be grateful for Kurt's kindness when he first arrived at Mckinley, but Blaine couldn't imagine them as boyfriends.

Blaine's phone vibrated and he saw a message from Sam, who was sitting toward the front of the bus. It read 'R u ok? U seem weird.' Blaine glanced back at Kurt, sleeping on Mercedes' shoulder. No, Blaine wasn't ok, but he wouldn't say anything out of respect for Kurt. He replied, 'yeah, just bummed we lost.'

'Ur lying," said Sam. Blaine looked up from his phone and saw Sam turn halfway around in his seat, grinning as he playfully wagged his finger at Blaine, pretty much saying 'Tisk tisk, you rotten little liar.' Blaine chuckled at Sam's accusing expression, and then he put his phone in his pocket with deliberate slowness to let Sam know that he didn't intend to respond. Sam looked at him curiously, so Blaine shook his finger back at him, saying 'Tisk tisk, it's none of your business.' Sam smiled and shook his head as he turned back around.

Blaine laughed to himself, feeling a lot lighter than he did two minutes ago. Sam tended to have that effect on him.

June 7th- Last Day of School

"Have a good summer, Blaine," Kurt said.

"Thanks Kurt. You too."

Kurt smiled blandly and walked away. Things had been weird between them since nationals. No matter how hard Blaine tried to be casual, there was still an awkward vibe in the air that they couldn't shake. Blaine just hoped that it dissipated over time.

Everyone in glee finished saying their goodbyes for the summer. Sam came up to Blaine and asked, "Hey, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning," Blaine sighed, sad that he wouldn't be seeing any of the people in this room for three months. They had all welcomed Blaine here with open arms, even Santana, in her own unique way. They made Blaine feel safer here. Of course Blaine was going to miss Sam the most. Everyone knew them as best friends now.

Sam tugged Blaine's wrist. "Come with me. I have a present for you!" He said excitedly as he pulled the shorter boy along to his locker, whilst Blaine was just trying not to focus on how his wrist felt like it was on fire. Sam let go and opened his locker, reached in and grabbed a colorful gift bag and handed it to Blaine, who took it and opened it with confusion. He pulled out a pair of red and white boxing gloves. "What-"

Sam said quickly, "I know they're not the best brand, but at least they're the right size. Since your birthday is in July I figured I'd give them to you now."

Blaine smiled widely, beaming at his present. "Thank you, Sammy!" He exclaimed as he rushed to try them on.

"Now, since I'm obviously the coolest friend ever, I want you to promise me something," Sam said.

Blaine delightfully punched his hands together like a child with a new toy on Christmas before he asked, "What is it?"

"Promise that you'll keep up with boxing in California. You're getting really good at it." Sam's voice was so sincere it made Blaine blush from his compliment.

"I promise," he said, so giddy at the moment he would have agreed to anything Sam said. Let's be honest, he would do that anyway.

Quinn's bossy voice came from behind Blaine. "Sam! We have to go. My parents are waiting," she impatiently grabbed Sam's hand.

"Sorry, babe," Sam said wistfully, his eyes glazing over with that bored look he seemed to get whenever Quinn was around. Sam patted Blaine's back. "Have an awesome summer, bro. And happy early birthday!" He smiled.

"Thank you, Sam. I love my present." He turned to Quinn, not wanting to be rude. "Have a good summer, Quinn."

"Thanks Blaine. You too." She smiled and hauled Sam away.

Blaine packed away his present, still beaming about it, and walked out of Mckinley for the last time for the next three months.


	4. Friendship- Part 2

Chapter 4: Friendship- Part 2

Sophomore Year

August 24th- First Day of School

Blaine walked into Mckinley with ten times more confidence than he did on his first day months ago. He had worked out nearly every day in L.A. While he started with the boxing videos Sam sent him, he also explored other areas like aerobics and weight lifting. On top of that he practiced dancing every day, learning whatever new moves caught his eye. In effect, Blaine actually had muscle tone now. His shoulders were wider, his legs stronger, and even some abs had started to form, to his pleasant surprise.

Tina came running up to greet and him and immediately squeezed his biceps. "Wow, Blaine, you look amazing!" 

Blaine laughed and pulled Tina into a hug. "Thank you. I missed you. I missed everyone!"

"Aw we missed you too, Blainy Days!"

Blaine then heard a familiar voice behind him. "Damn, Blaine! Did you leave the gym at all this summer?" Mercedes hugged him from behind, also squeezing his arms. Blaine found the attention quite flattering, to be honest. 

"Hi Mercedes! How was your summer?" asked Blaine.

"Eh, relatively uneventful. Kurt, Rachel, and I had a lot of chick flick and musical marathons."

"Doesn't sound too bad," Tina commented.

Mercedes scoffed. "It is when they never stop talking to enjoy them. Seriously, Kurt won't stop gabbing about the costume designs and Rachel analyzes every single performance!"

Blaine laughed. That definitely sounded like the Kurt and Rachel he remembered- he and Kurt hadn't talked all summer. Blaine wondered how that reunion would go later.

"So how was L.A.?" Tina asked.

"It was awesome!" Blaine whipped out his phone and started showing them all of the pictures he'd taken. Halfway through they were interrupted by another voice, only this one made Blaine's stomach flutter.

"Blaine!"

Blaine followed Sam's voice and found him by the water fountain. "I'll see you guys later," he said. A smile broke out onto his face as walked into a classic Sam Evans bear hug. Memories from last year flooded back as he inhaled Sam's scent, all of the emotions that Blaine had tried to forget now pulsing through him again. He had missed this guy so damn much, and it was like a part of Blaine was complete now that his best friend was here.

Sam pulled back and kept his hands on Blaine's shoulder, appraising his little transformation and making Blaine's face heat up. "Wow! I see you kept up on your promise, huh? You look awesome!" He gave Blaine an enthusiastic high five.

"Thanks!" Blaine beamed. "I feel so great, like myself again, you know? And I have you to thank for it."

"No way. You did that work all on your own," Sam insisted.

"Well, I never would have even started if it wasn't for you. So thank you, really," Blaine said, trying to convey just how grateful he really was. In a way, Sam had saved Blaine's life. His patient understanding had slowly helped Blaine bounce back from his anxiety-riddled existence that was eating away the real him.

"No problem," Sam said shyly. Blaine observed that Sam was great at handing out compliments but not so good at receiving them, it seemed.

The first bell rang, indicating that everyone had five minutes to get to class. "Where are you headed?" Blaine asked.

"World History with Mr. Bateman," Sam replied.

"Awesome, me too!" Blaine said happily, and they headed off. "So how's Quinn?" 

"We broke up about a month ago," Sam mumbled. "Apparently she's with Puck now."

"I'm sorry, Sam," Blaine said sincerely.

Sam shrugged and did his million-dollar smile. "Eh, it's fine. We weren't that great together anyway. Besides, I don't care about a relationship right now."

Blaine agreed. "I hear you."

They walked into the classroom and found two empty desks near the back of the room. As Blaine took out a fresh notebook Sam said seriously, "Blaine, please tell me you've seen the new Deadpool movie."

"No..." He admitted shamefully. There wasn't much time for movies when he was in California.

"Dude! It's been on DVD for like a month now. You know what? We're watching it after school. No exceptions!" He said sternly.

"Sounds great," Blaine said. It looked like this year wouldn't be much different from the last. It was as if the two boys just saw each other the day before and were picking up right where they left off.

October 31st

The Blaine Anderson from ten months ago would have been caught dead before attending another school dance, but current Blaine was having a wonderful time getting dressed up as a zombie for the halloween dance at Mckinley. He knew for a fact that he could defend himself now, and the fact that Karofsky had transfered schools helped tremendously. Also, tonight was glee club's last night to really let loose before cracking down for sectionals, so Blaine wanted to enjoy himself.

And that's exactly what he did. He had been dancing all night and performed a few songs with the glee club, and Blaine had gotten a kick out of Sam's costume. He was Westley from The Princess Bride dressed all in black like Pirate Roberts, mask included. Apparently, many people had told Sam over the summer that he resembled Cary Elwes, so Sam dressed as Westley as a joke. All night he yelled "Inconceivable!" at every opportunity and answered "As you wish" to every question. He even did a perfect impression of Inigo Montoya, making Blaine laugh so hard he had punch coming out of his nose.

It was a great time, which is why it inevitably had to be ruined by some sort of glee drama, and this one was a doozy. The cat had gotten out of the bag that Quinn was pregnant with Puck's baby, even though she was three months along already and only broke up with Sam a month ago. The meaning of this was not lost on Sam, but he was unreasonably cool about it. Blaine had pulled him off the dance floor to make sure he was ok. "Yeah," Sam had said. "I mean, we broke up a month ago and we weren't the happiest match around. I have bigger things to worry about, anyway."

The change in Sam's tone did not go unnoticed by Blaine. "Like what?" He asked curiously, concerned at the faraway look in Sam's eyes.

"Let's not talk about it now," Sam said dismissively, quickly plastering on a smile and pulling Blaine back onto the dance floor. Blaine dropped the subject but he grew more concerned. What else was going on that had Sam worried to the point that he didn't care that Quinn had cheated? Was Blaine a terrible friend for not noticing that something was wrong? Why wouldn't Sam come to him?

Only one word could accurately sum up what had transpired at the dance in the last fifteen minutes: Inconceivable!

November 23rd

"Finn, this is crazy. Rachel is not cheating on you, especially not with Sam," Blaine insisted. He and Finn were parked outside of a shabby motel on a stake-out at Finn's request. There were rumors going around that Sam was hooking up with Rachel at this motel, but Blaine refused to believe it. He only came along because Finn begged him.

"Sam took Quinn from me twice. I just want to make sure... Look!" Finn exclaimed through his binoculars.

Blaine looked up to see Rachel and Sam come out of the second door and give each other a hug. What? Rachel and Sam?! A wave of jealousy rushed through Blaine as he processed what he was seeing. Rachel smiled and left and Sam went back inside. Blaine could feel Finn steaming next to him, and remembered that Finn had more reason to be upset right now than Blaine did.

"I can't believe this!" Finn roared. Blaine just sat in disbelief. There had to be a reasonable explanation for this. Sam had seemed stressed, irritable, and really busy lately- he and Blaine hadn't been hanging out as much as usual. If Sam was having some secret affair, you would think he'd be in a better mood. Blaine had asked him what was wrong several times since Halloween, but Sam always insisted that he was fine and that everything would be ok, and not very convincingly.

"There has to be something else going on," Blaine said aloud. "Just stay level-headed here, Finn. We'll straight out ask them tomorrow what's up, ok?"

Finn punched the steering wheel and sighed. "You're right. Let's get the hell out of here," he huffed and angrily shoved the keys into the ignition.

November 24th

The whole choir room erupted in chaos, full of incoherent yelling that made Blaine cover his ears.

"Tell the truth!" Finn yelled at Rachel.

"Finn, for the last time, I am not cheating on you with Sam!" Rachel boomed.

"We're telling the truth, man!" Sam added.

Finn pointed his finger accusingly at Sam. "Then why were you in that motel?!"

Sam rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in surrender. "Because that's where I live now!" The room went quiet in an instant. "Rachel was bringing me some of her dad's clothes. My dad lost his job over the summer and we couldn't afford our house payments anymore, so now we live in that motel in one room. Are you all happy? The truth is finally out!" Sam stormed out of the choir room, leaving everyone in stunned silence.

Xxxxx

'Sam, please answer me," Blaine hit the send button. It was late evening and he hadn't heard from Sam since glee. He felt horrible for Sam as he remembered the embarrassed look on his face when he finally came clean. Blaine wished Sam would have come to him before... He had no idea!

Sam finally answered: 'we'll talk 2morow ok? I just want 2 sleep now.'

Blaine frowned, feeling completely helpless. 'Ok. Just remember you can tell me anything! I'm here for you.'

Blaine sat his phone on the bedside table. He was glad tomorrow was Saturday. That meant he had a whole day to make his best friend feel better. Now he just had to figure out a way to do that.

November 25th

Blaine was frustrated. Sam refused to talk about anything that morning, and bottling things up like this was a recipe for disaster- Sam himself had taught Blaine that when he suggested the Cher song for regionals last year. Well, it was time for Blaine to return the favor.

"Sam, I want to say something," he said as they were lounging around watching tv.

Sam grumbled, "Dude, come on. I already said I don't want to talk about it."

Blaine sighed. "Sam, you look exhausted. There are bags under your eyes. You've been stressed and not acting like yourself. You were kicked out of your home and kept it a secret for- wait, how long have you been in that motel?"

"Three weeks," Sam mumbled reluctantly.

"Three weeks?! You've kept this hidden for three weeks and you really don't think you need to talk about it?" Blaine asked incredulously, thinking 'just let me help you like you've helped me, please!'

Sam snapped, "It's not like talking is going to fix anything, Blaine!" Being Sam, he added quickly, "I'm sorry," and looked down shamefully.

"It's ok, Sammy."

"I'm just exhausted, man. I got a job delivering pizzas to try and help out my parents. That's the only reason Rachel knows- I delivered a pizza to her house one night." He took a deep breath and put his head in his hands, trying to hold himself together. "I've never felt as humiliated as I did yesterday." His voice was muffled against his hands.

Blaine sat next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, his heart breaking at seeing Sam look so defeated. "It's ok, Sammy. You don't have to be embarrassed. You know the whole glee club is here for you." When Sam didn't respond Blaine was suddenly struck with an idea. "And, as a very wise friend of mine once taught me, you'd be surprised at what music could do." Blaine grabbed his iPod and hooked it up to the sound system. "This is for you," he smiled at Sam and began to sway as the music started.

'Sometimes in our life  
We all have pain  
We all have sorrow  
But, if we are wise  
We know that there's always tomorrow  
Lean on me  
When you're not strong  
I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I need somebody to lean on'

Blaine sat next to Sam and put his arm around him.

'Please, swallow your pride  
If I have things  
You need to borrow  
For no one can fill  
Those of your needs  
That you don't let show  
You just call on me brother, when you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on  
I just might have a problem that you'll understand  
We all need somebody to lean on'

Sam started to sing the next part. Blaine smiled in encouragement and yanked him up so he would dance.

'Lean on me  
When you're not strong  
I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on  
You just call on me, brother  
When you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on  
I just might have a problem that you'll understand  
We all need somebody to lean on.'

Blaine took over for the bridge:

'If there is a load  
You have to bear  
That you can't carry  
I'm right up the road  
I'll share your load  
If you just call me'

Both:

'Call me if you need a friend  
Call me. Call me uh-huh  
Call me when you need a friend  
Call me if you ever need a friend  
Call me (call me) (×8)

Sam caught Blaine in a tight hug when the song ended, making him breathless, but then he realized that Sam was softly crying, and his heart ached for Sam. More than ached, it hurt- like he was trying to physically absorb all of Sam's pain. Blaine hugged him tighter. "Everything's going to ok," he whispered. He didn't know how, but he would make sure of it.

"I don't know, man," Sam sniffed and sat back on the couch. "Both of my parents are working minimum wage jobs and they only cover the motel and food, barely even clothes..."

Blaine could see he was trying to hold back from crying more. "It's ok to be scared," Blaine said.

"I'm not scared for me, dude! I'm scared for my brother and sister," Sam choked at mentioning his siblings. Blaine was tearing up now. He instinctively grabbed Sam's hand and squeezed it, wishing there was something he could do to help. Sam squeezed back and continued, "They've already had to deal with a crappy Thanksgiving and now they're going to have a bad Christmas. It's like, no matter how many stupid pizzas I deliver I never have enough money left to buy them presents. Or my parents. And they all deserve so much more."

"So do you," Blaine said softly. Sam made a sound that was a mix of a laugh and a sob. Blaine's insides turned to jelly when, after Sam calmed down a little, he stroked Blaine's hand- just a light touch, the tip of his thumb like a feather on the back of Blaine's hand. Blaine's breath caught in his throat as his hand started burning. Slowly, and very tentatively, he returned the gesture. Their eyes met, and suddenly Blaine snapped out of his trance and hastily took his hand away. What the hell was he doing? Blaine had nearly destroyed his carefully constructed act of NOT liking Sam.

"You don't have to worry about Stevie and Stacey," Blaine said, a little too loudly as he desperately tried to pretend that hand thing didn't just happen. "I, and the entire glee club, will make sure their Christmas is awesome."

Sam looked at him with questioning eyes. "How?"

"We'll figure it out after sectionals. I promise."

Sam grabbed him for another hug, unintentionally driving his stomach crazy and making Blaine's blood pound in his ears. Sam exclaimed, "You're the best! Thank you!" He sounded a little more like his normal self.

"Of course," Blaine smiled in satisfaction. Yes! He had made Sam feel better, which had been his only goal today.

December 21st

Sam's parents looked absolutely torn between staying in the motel for Christmas or sacrificing their pride and accepting the Andersons' offer. Sam, Blaine, and the two kids were sitting at Blaine's dining room table, as still as statues, waiting in unbearable suspense for Sam's parents to decide. Blaine felt irrationally giddy at the prospect of Sam staying with them for a while. He's the one that brought up the idea to his parents. After all, they had three guest bedrooms that were never used, and this way Stevie and Stacey could have a normal Christmas like Sam wanted. The Andersons even had the little ones over the week before to help decorate their Christmas tree; they were thrilled.

After what felt like an eternity Mr. and Mrs. Evans finally agreed, but only on the condition that they pay for their own food, water, and heat. They promised to be out by the end of February at the latest and Blaine internally did a victorious somersault. Yes! His best friend living with him at Christmas time? It was going to be a blast. Sam looked at Blaine from across the table and gave a thumbs up before he popped up and said, "Ok, well I'm going to volunteer. I'll be ringing the Salvation Army bell outside of the movie theater."

"In this weather?" Mrs. Evans asked.

"I'll put on a lot of layers, and I'll take breaks!" Sam whined, bouncing up and down like a child begging to go to a birthday party.

His mom sighed. "Fine, sweetie. I know there's no stopping you, anyway." She gave Sam the classic, stern mothering look, but underneath that Blaine could see a warm pride in her eyes at having a son who would brave the cold weather to help others in need, even though he was in need himself. Blaine couldn't help but agree- Sam was pretty amazing that way.

"Yes!" Sam turned to Blaine. "You want to come with?" He asked excitedly.

Blaine decided to steal the catch phrase of his favorite substitute teacher as a response. "I thought you'd never ask," he smiled.

March 10th

Blaine was in a very good mood when he walked into school on Monday. In fact he felt like he was flying in the sky. The New Directions had won regionals the previous Saturday, and Blaine had a long heart-to-heart with Cooper recently and was glad to see that things were improving between them since then. So Blaine felt great, but only until right before fourth period, when he saw Sam and Mercedes kissing by her locker.

"When did that happen?" Blaine asked Kurt, trying his best to sound casually curious (he and Kurt were doing well, despite the awkwardness a nearly a year before).

"Apparently after we won Regionals," Kurt guessed. "Cute couple, don't you think?"

Blaine swallowed down the fresh jealousy blooming in his chest. "Yeah. Yeah, they look... Good together," he tried and failed to sound normal. This was ridiculous. Sam was straight. Of course Blaine should expect him to have girlfriends but it irritated him to no end to see Sam with Mercedes.

Kurt was talking again. "So did you finish you English essay? I put it off until last night."

"Yeah," Blaine replied vaguely with one last look at the new couple. Ok, he needed to stop this. Sam and him were friends and that was all they would ever be. Blaine couldn't let every one of Sam's relationships affect him this way. After too long of a pause Blaine continued. "Yeah, I crammed the essay in the night before Regionals."

"Ah, smart."

Needless to say, Blaine's mood quickly dissipated after that.

April 29th

"Congratulations, Mr. Evans!"

"You can call me Steven, Blaine. We've lived with you for four months," Steven replied, then quickly turned to Blaine's parents: "I'm so sorry it had to be so long-"

Blaine's mom shook her head emphatically. "No, no! None of that! You got your job in February. Of course it took some time to save for a down payment."

"You'll never know how grateful I am," Steven mumbled. Blaine had seen how hard it had been for him especially to accept the help, but now he had landed a good job at a carpet contracting place, and today everyone was celebrating because the Evans had been approved for a loan and were putting a deposit on a house. It was nothing big or fancy, but it was perfect for them and more than they could have hoped for.

The adults embraced and broke out a bottle of champagne, the room full of happy chatter. Sam was just beaming, mainly at his siblings because, for the first time in their lives, they were going to have their own rooms. Blaine loved how deeply Sam cared for them. He went and gave Sam a hug and said, "I'm so happy for you guys!"

Sam was almost in tears as he let out a breathy laugh. "I know! I feel like I'm going to explode with relief!"

Blaine smiled warmly up at him in adoration and froze, instantly overtaken with a powerful urge to kiss him. Dammit! Blaine really tried to stop these thoughts from happening, but every day they were getting harder and harder to control. He quickly stepped back and went to grab a soda. "Want one?" He asked.

"No, thanks," Sam said. A small silence followed in which Blaine cracked open his soda and took a few sips.

"So are you nervous about your dance number at nationals?" Sam asked, stepping toward him again. Blaine hurriedly tried backing up but being as flustered as he was he knocked into the dining table and spilled his mom's champagne.

"Oh, sorry Mom!" Blaine breathed. Sam looked at him with an odd expression. Crap! Get it together, Blaine! "Yeah, I'm kind of nervous. The choreography is killer. Mike, Brittany and have have been rehearsing late every night," he rambled.

"You guys will do great," Sam assured. Blaine smiled, beyond thankful that Sam didn't ask about his strange behavior.

Dad rose from the table and held up his glass. "Alright kids! We have a special announcement to make!"

Everyone stopped talking except Stacey, who was clapping and asking, "ooh, what is it? What is it?"

"Well, as we all know, Steven has made it through the two-month probation period for his new job and has been taken on full time-" the room filled with whoops and cheers for a few moments- "but after a lot of begging on my part, both to Steven and his boss, they agreed that you all deserve a vacation after the hard times you've had." Dad dramatically whipped out an envelope from his pocket, opened it annoyingly slowly, and then pulled out five plane tickets.

"What are those?" Sam's eyes went wide with disbelief. Blaine wanted to start dancing because he had a pretty good idea of where this was going.

"Five plane tickets for your family to join us in L.A. this summer," Dad explained. "Cooper has landed his first role in a Hollywood film- not a huge part, but still... Your dad will start working full time when we get back in August. So..." He did a drum roll on the table before he yelled, "We're going to Hollywood!"

The four kids erupted with excitement. Blaine laughed at the shocked expression on Sam's face. His jaw dropped, he looked at Blaine and enveloped him in a hug so fierce Blaine had to tap his shoulder to let him know he couldn't breathe.

"Oh, sorry," Sam laughed.

Blaine went and hugged his parents. "Thank you so much! Thank you thank you!" He bounced.

Dad smiled. "You're welcome, son. You sure know how to pick good friends."

Blaine definitely agreed. Sam was one hell of a friend.

After hugging the rest of the Evans family Blaine made his way back to Sam, who gave him a high-five, any residual awkwardness from before now forgotten. Blaine didn't think he had ever seen his best friend look so happy.


	5. Love, Actually- Part 1

Chapter 5: Love, Actually- Part 1

Junior year- second week of school

September 2nd

It was as if Blaine had returned from California to some bizarre parallel universe, because that was the only explanation for the sight currently before him: Kurt Hummel and David Karofsky sitting across from him at the Lima Bean smiling and holding hands. Yes, HOLDING HANDS.

"I know. It's scandalous, isn't it?" Kurt asked playfully as he took in Blaine's reaction.

Karofsky chuckled. "You got that right."

"I don't-what-" Blaine sputtered. "But... How?"

They both laughed before Kurt began, "Well, I ran into him over the summer, and he was being his usual antagonizing self-"

"I was being an asshole-" Karofsky provided helpfully.

"Yeah," Kurt confirmed. "And then he did this weird hate-kiss thing, then sent me anonymous love notes after that, if you can believe it! He revealed who he was and we talked and... Now we're here," Kurt shrugged as if any of that made the slightest bit of sense. Blaine sat frozen, mouth agape as he tried to process this peculiar development.

"Look, Blaine... I'm really sorry about what I put you and Kurt through," Dave said, and he actually sounded sincere. "Somehow Kurt found it in his heart to forgive me-"

"You've more than made up for it!" Kurt patted his hand lovingly, which was so strange to see.

"Not really," Dave mumbled. "Anyway, I really hope you can forgive me, too. In fact..." He whistled at the barista and waved her over with a mysterious gleam in his eyes. The barista handed Kurt and Blaine each their own large, cold cup of red slushies.

Karofsky explained, "You each get a free shot at me. It's the least I deserve."

"What?" Kurt went wide-eyed. "I'm not doing that, David. That's insane."

"Yes you are! Blaine's up for it, right Blaine?" Dave looked at him for confirmation.

Blaine had no clue what to say as he was still trying to make sense of the last five minutes. "Uh..."

"That's a yes!" Dave hopped up from his seat and pointed at Kurt. "You're doing it!"

"Are you serious right now?" Kurt asked. "Right here, in the middle of the Lima Bean?"

"Yeah, dude! Seriously, don't you want some payback? Dave challenged with raised eyebrows, obviously aware that Kurt never backed down from a challenge.

Kurt stood too. "Ok, you're on! Blaine, get up. It's time for revenge."

Blaine obeyed, a little ashamed that a petty part of him was looking forward to this. "On three. One. Two. Three!" Blaine and Kurt thrusted their cups forward. Dave jumped from the shock of the cold and, after they all shared a laugh, Kurt and Blaine escorted him to the bathroom.

"Ow, my eyes!" Karofsky rubbed them frantically. "I'm so sorry I ever did this to you!" He turned on the faucet and splashed water on his face.

Blaine said sympathetically, "I think you can be forgiven."

Kurt grabbed some paper towels to help dry him off. "That was very noble of you, my good sir," he commended diplomatically.

"Any time," Dave laughed. After he finished washing up and changing his clothes, the three boys headed to school (Dave had transferred back).

"So Blaine, did you ever text that hottie from Dalton that gave you his number last week?" Kurt asked.

"Sebastian? No way. He was so arrogant I couldn't stand him." Blaine shuddered at the memory.

"I have a feeling that you wouldn't text him even if he was the nicest guy in the world," Kurt commented.

"Why would you say that?" Blaine asked.

Kurt answered as if it was obvious. "Because he's not Samuel Evans."

Blaine stopped in his tracks. "That's not true."

Karofsky chimed in, "You were right, Kurt. He's totally smitten."

Kurt batted his lashes. "What can I say? I'm good at this."

Blaine was getting annoyed at how they were talking like he wasn't even standing there. "I am not smitten!" He denied vehemently.

"Calm down, Blaine," said Kurt. "We're not going to tell anyone. But can I give you some advice?" Blaine stayed quiet and kept his eyes on the ground, so Kurt took that as an invitation to continue: "You need to be realistic, and move on before you get hurt. I'm not saying you need to go date someone tomorrow, but I am saying that you should consider expanding your options."

"I don't like Sam," Blaine deadpanned.

Kurt gave him a sympathetic look. "No, you don't. You love him."

Blaine flushed and looked away, his silence basically an admission of guilt. When did he let his guard down so much that he let himself fall in love with Sam? Blaine put so much energy into doing the exact opposite, and it was all for nothing. He left Kurt and Dave and started walking to class, but felt nauseous at facing Sam after this little epiphany.

He and Sam had spent every day together in California. It was like they were in their own little world. It was the happiest Blaine had ever felt, but now that school had started and Sam had started dating Brittany (Mercedes had broken up with him over the summer, and Sam got with Brittany on the first day of school. Sometimes Blaine swore Sam only got girlfriends because he was bored), Blaine was finding it increasingly annoying to be around the new couple. Not just annoying, it almost _hurt_ to see Sam with her; now that he thought about it, that probably should have been Blaine's first clue that the feelings he had were more than a crush. 

Ok, he needed to leave. He turned around and walked out of the building, got in his car and threw his bag on the passenger floor. He cringed when he felt his phone vibrate, knowing it was Sam wondering where he was. Blaine quickly text back that he wasn't feeling good before starting the car and speeding out of the parking lot.

Xxxxx

4:07 P.M: 'Hey bro how r u feeling?'

5:30 P.M: 'Hello? Amigo?'

7:16 P.M: 'Blaine r u ok?'

7:32 P.M: 'im worried pls answer'

8:29 P.M: 'dude if u dont answer im coming over with soup'

Blaine sighed as he lay on his bed with his arm over his eyes. He needed to clear his head and these hourly texts from Sam were not helping. He guiltily typed a vague reply. 'I'm fine Sam stop worrying! I'll see you tomorrow!'

'Ok. Hope u feel better'

Blaine hated that he felt all fuzzy inside over a stupid text.

September 25th

_They got back to the hotel after going for an early morning run. After showering and putting on a nice outfit for the day, Blaine walked out of the bathroom to the sight of Sam standing there holding something behind his back, eyes alight with anticipation. "Ok, no time to waste! Get over here and close your eyes!" He said._

_Blaine laughed. "Sam it's eight in the morning. We have plenty of time."_

_"Fine then I'm just excited! Come on!"_

_Blaine stood square in front of him and closed his eyes with exaggerated impatience. "I'm waiting..."_

_"Ok ok! One. Two. Three. Happy birthday!" Sam shouted._

_Blaine opened his eyes to the coolest poster he had ever seen. His jaw dropped as he gingerly held the heavy frame. "You drew this?!"_

_"Yeah, I mean, there are a couple mistakes. The proportions on Blond Chameleon are a little off, but-"_

_"It's amazing!" Blaine interrupted with a delighted grin. In front of him were comic book versions of he and Sam's alter egos, Night Bird and Blond Chameleon, wearing comically huge boxing gloves with Wolverine and Deadpool posing behind them. Surrounding the four heroes were tiny, colorful music notes against a black background. On closer inspection Blaine saw that, along with the notes, there were tiny song lyrics to 'You Haven't Seen the Last of Me' and 'Lean on Me.' As Blaine saw all of these details he was rendered speechless at the amount of thought and time this must have taken._

_"So you like it?" Sam asked when Blaine didn't say anything else._

_"I freaking love it!" Blaine set it down carefully against the wall. Then for once he was the one to catch Sam off guard with a huge bear hug. Sam laughed in surprise and spun Blaine in the air. Blaine stumbled when his feet touched the ground. They laughed as Sam grabbed his shoulders to steady him._

_"Thank you for my present," Blaine said breathlessly as he found his footing._

_"You're welcome." They stood there catching their breath, and Blaine realized how close they were. There faces were four inches apart at the most. The fresh smell of Sam's shower gel seeped teasingly through Blaine's nostrils. Sam's blue eyes bore into his own, like Sam was trying to convey something with his stare. It would be so easy just to lean those few inches..._

_Blaine quickly stepped back and came to his senses, suddenly overwhelmed with a powerful urge to cry though he didn't know the exact reason. He cleared his throat. "We should get to breakfast."_

Blaine jerked awake and looked around. The dream/memory was so vivid that it took him a moment to remember where he was presently. Ohio, not California. As he sighed and sat up he felt hot tears creeping down his cheeks. He angrily wiped them away before a realization hit him like a freight train: it was on that day, that moment on Blaine's 17th birthday, that he had irreversibly and beyond a shadow of a doubt fallen in love with Sam Evans.

Kurt had said that he should move on and be realistic. As much as it hurt, which was tremendously, Blaine knew that he was right.

October 7th

"You did what?" Kurt asked with wide eyes.

"I asked Sebastian out," Blaine said again. After the last six weeks of being miserable around Sam and Brittany, he decided that enough was enough and that moving on was necessary for his sanity at this point.

"Why?" Kurt asked critically.

"You're the one that said I needed to expand my options," Blaine argued, confused at Kurt's reaction.

"But you said you didn't like him. And, if you recall, I also said you didn't need to date someone right away, so find someone you actually like first."

"Maybe I misjudged him. There's nothing wrong with being confident." Jesus, Blaine wasn't even buying it, but he powered on. "He's taking me to that bar, Scandals. It might be fun."

Kurt conceded with a sigh. "Ok, I get it. Just... Be careful."

"Of course I will."

Karofsky walked up and handed Kurt a coffee with an easy smile. "Why thank you!" Kurt said happily, and Blaine didn't think that seeing them together would ever stop being odd.

"Good morning, guys," Sam's voice came from behind Blaine, who flinched a little before spinning around.

"Hey, Sam," Blaine said. _Act normal. Act normal. Act normal._

Kurt grabbed Dave's arm and said, "Well, we have to get going. See you guys later!"

"Later!" Sam called after them and turned to Blaine. "Dude, I heard Mr. Shue tell Rachel that we're doing duets this week. Classic rock hits. You in?"

 _Sound normal. Sound normal. Sound normal._ Just then Blaine realized why it seemed like something was missing this morning. "What about Brittany?" He asked.

Sam's eyes flitted nervously around the hallway before they settled on the ground. "Uh, she broke up with me... Like just now."

Well that was faster than expected. "I'm sorry, Sammy. How come?"

Sam rubbed the back of his neck and still wouldn't look at Blaine directly. "She didn't really say... Anyway, are you down for the duet?"

"Of course." Blaine wondered why Sam seemed so edgy. Did a break up with a girl he had barely dated for a few weeks really affect him that much?

They walked into class and took their seats. Sam still seemed distracted, his leg bouncing restlessly as he took out his notebook.

"Are you ok, Sam?" Blaine studied him, growing more worried. Sam was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear him. "Sam?" Blaine said louder.

"What?" Sam asked, dazed.

"What's the matter with you?"

He looked at Blaine with conflicted eyes, debating on whether or not to say. "Nothing. It's nothing," he cleared his throat. "We should go see a movie on Friday. Or go bowling or something?"

Crap! Why did he have to say Friday? "I'm actually busy Friday night," Blaine said apologetically. Of course he would rather hang out with Sam than Sebastian any day of the week, but that was the problem.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, and Blaine could have sworn he heard a hint of irritation in Sam's voice.

"I'm going on a... A date." The word sounded weird coming out of Blaine's mouth.

Sam's eyes went wide. "With who?"

Might as well tell him... "Sebastian Smyth, from Dalton." Blaine peeked up through his lashes to gauge Sam's reaction.

He just stared at Blaine for a moment with an unreadable expression before he said dryly, "I thought you said he was an ass."

Blaine repeated his words from earlier. "Maybe I was wrong about him. We're going to that bar, Scandals. Should be interesting," he shrugged.

"Yeah, interesting," Sam said so lowly Blaine didn't think he was meant to hear it. The teacher started class and Sam's leg continued it's restless dance. What was wrong with him today? And what exactly happened with Brittany?

November 11th

It was dumb to let the words of an arrogant jerk like Sebastian get to him. Blaine knew that, but he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, or at least pissed. They had gone out five times and Blaine had had fun. If anything, Sebastian knew how to have a good time. Yesterday, they finally went on an official date, meaning somewhere other than Scandals. They were making out in Sebastian's car afterward (he was a really good kisser) when he tried unbuttoning Blaine's pants.

"Wait," Blaine breathed.

"It's ok," Sebastian said in a soothing tone and tried taking off Blaine's shirt. Blaine was not ready to do that... They had only been together a month, if what they had could even be considered 'together.'

Sebastian scoffed and started his car. "I better get going," he said shortly.

"Are you serious?" Blaine couldn't believe he was being so snappy just because Blaine would rather stay fully clothed.

"Look, the next time you want to go out, don't waste my time."

Blaine felt like he had just been slapped in the face. He said quietly, "I thought we were having a good time."

"It was a good time at first. I even stuck it out this long because you're hot, but enough is enough. I'm the kind of guy that wants to have fun and you... Well, at least you're attractive," he smirked.

What did he just say? Not able to think of a more appropriate response Blaine just huffed, "Fuck you, Sebastian!" and got out of the car. He slammed the door and went inside without looking back.

Blaine replayed what happened in his head as he sat in his last class, doodling on his notebook. He was so distracted he didn't notice that school was over until Sam snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Earth to Blaine!"

"Sorry," Blaine got up quickly, not realizing that his backpack was unzipped and spilling everything onto the ground. Just perfect. Blaine gave a flustered sigh and crouched down to pick it up.

"Dude, what's the matter with you today?" Sam asked as he leaned down to help.

"I'm fine. Let's go to glee," Blaine mumbled and started to leave, but Sam grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him back.

He looked straight into Blaine's eyes and said, "You're lying."

Blaine ripped his arm away and started making his way to the choir room. "I don't want to talk about it." The last thing Blaine needed was for Sam to see how dumb he was, thinking Sebastian actually liked him and not just his body. How náive was he?

Sam caught up with him and asked slowly, "... Was it Sebastian?"

Blaine stopped and sighed in defeat. Sam could always read him like an open book. "Yeah," he said sheepishly.

"What happened?"

"He got all mad because I wouldn't put out, and basically said I'm lucky I'm good-looking because I have nothing else 'fun' to offer," Blaine said in monotone. Saying it out loud made the sting ten times worse.

"What a dick! You're the most fun person I know! Do you want Blond Chameleon to go kick some ass?" Sam asked, way too excited at the idea.

Blaine chuckled. "No. Blond Chameleon just needs to stop Night Bird from ever dating another selfish jackass."

"Blond Chameleon can do both!" Sam punched and kicked the air to show his ninja skills. They both laughed. Sam put his arm around Blaine and they continued on their way. As usual Sam had successfully cheered him up, and Blaine was no closer to moving on than he was before the Sebastian fiasco.

November 30th- Sectionals

"Of course we won! We're the reigning national champs y'all!" Artie pumped his fist in the air. Everyone cheered except Blaine, who was too busy eavesdropping on the Warblers. Sebastian had been messing with him all night. It started with cocky smirking, but then he would nudge one of his teammates, whisper, and then pointedly laugh at him. Blaine would just look away with a neutral expression, but now that they were merely five feet away from each other in the parking lot, Sebastian didn't hold back: "Looking at him now, I don't know what I saw in him. He's short, boring, and obviously a virgin." They all laughed heartily before he continued. "I mean, how did I put up with that for a month?"

Blaine clenched his fists, his blood boiling with anger. He kept walking, but Sebastian wouldn't let up. "I guess I felt sorry for him. He is pretty pathetic."

Blaine spun on his heels with the intention of yelling incoherently, but before he could get one word out Sam had stomped over to Sebastian and, without a word, punched him square in the face. Sebastian fell to his knees with a hand over his now-bloodied nose.

Sam spat, "Man, you really like the sound of your own voice, don't you?" He walked away. Blaine let out a surprised laugh and covered his mouth to keep more from coming. The New Directions turned around and gasped, open-mouthed at the scene taking place. Sam then casually walked back over to them, swung his arm around Blaine's shoulder and said happily, "Come on, everyone! Let's go celebrate!"

Xxxxx

The New Directions went to Breadstix, their go-to venue for pretty much everything. They were all reliving the glorious moment that Sam had gotten some justice. Not only was Sebastian giving Blaine a hard time, but a couple weeks ago there was a sing-off because both the New Directions and the Warblers wanted to do Michael Jackson for sectionals. At the end of the number Sebastian threw a slushie at Kurt's face. This wouldn't have been so bad if the slushie hadn't been laced with rock salt that damaged Kurt's eye and resulted in a minor surgery. Although Kurt was still recovering he insisted on performing tonight, eye patch and all, and his solo is probably what won them the competition.

"Awesome job, Kurt!" Sam exclaimed and raised his glass. Everyone whooped and started to sing Kurt's solo, Mary Lambert's 'Secrets,' but Kurt interrupted: "I think we need to make a toast to the hero of the hour, Mr. Sam Evans!" Everyone clapped louder, but none as loud as Blaine, who was wearing an ear-to-ear grin as he thought about Sebastian's bloody nose. Sam joined in the cheering and did a maniacal laugh.

Suddenly Blaine's stomach dropped as a depressing thought hit him: Sebastian was right. Blaine was pathetic. He came to Mckinley a complete mess, a shell of a person, and then stuck like glue to the one person who helped him, longing for him and knowing it would never happen. How else would people describe someone like him except, in fact, pathetic?

When Sam came and sat next to him he immediately noticed his change of mood in that psychic way he had. "What's up?" He asked with concerned eyes.

"It's nothing," Blaine smiled. He didn't want to ruin the good night they were having.

Blaine knew what Sam was going to say before he even opened his mouth, and sure enough: "You're lying," he said in that tone he always did. It wasn't accusing. It was just stating a blatant, simple truth, and Sam was always right on point.

"No I'm not," Blaine sipped his drink and got up to go mingle but, judging by the look on Sam's face, Blaine knew he didn't plan on letting it go. It was times like this that Blaine would get annoyed at how well Sam knew him.

Xxxxx

Blaine put his car in park in front of the Evans residence. "Good night, Sammy. I'll see you on Monday."

Once again Sam threw him off kilter with his randomness when he said, "Don't take an asshat like Sebastian seriously, dude. You're awesome."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Honestly, can you read minds?"

Sam chuckled. "Only yours."

Blaine smiled sadly and looked down at the steering wheel. After a pause he said, "I used to feel that way about myself. Every minute of every day."

"What?" Sam cocked his head, confused.

"I knew in my heart that I was a pathetic loser when I came here, but then I met- met everyone in glee club." Blaine had nearly said 'met you' but caught himself. "Tonight I realized that I'm still exactly the same. I'm still awkward, still weak, still crazy, still just..." Blaine trailed off.

"Pathetic?" Sam filled in sarcastically. Blaine nodded and kept his gaze on the steering wheel as the reality of that really sunk in. He suddenly viewed himself as some kind of lost puppy, attached to Sam's hip like the coward he was.

Blaine snapped his head up when Sam grabbed his hand firmly, the warmth sending tingles through his gut.

"You're the complete opposite, you know," Sam said sincerely. "You're, like, the strongest and coolest person I've ever met."

Blaine was glad it was dark because his face must have been ten shades of red. He didn't know what to say to that. He looked down again nervously, but then Sam's other hand was gently cupping his cheek, forcing Blaine to look at him. "You're amazing," Sam said softly. Blaine's entire body tensed with excitement. What was happening right now?! Holy crap, was Sam really leaning in? 

Blaine figured he had to be dreaming. It wouldn't be the first dream of it's kind, but it swiftly turned into a nightmare when Blaine's phone rang, causing both of them to jump, and Blaine's mother's teary, breathy voice on the other end choked, "Blaine! Your dad, he..." She trailed off.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Your dad is in the hospital-"

"What?! What happened?" Blaine interrupted loudly. He felt Sam flinch in alarm.

"Just come to the hospital, ok? Cooper's already on his way."

"But dad..."

"He's ok... For now. Just come, ok, sweetie?" She hung up and Blaine stared at his phone in shock.

"Dude, what's going on?" Sam asked. When Blaine didn't respond Sam lightly shook his shoulders, fear apparent in his eyes. "Blaine! Talk to me!"

Blaine felt like he wasn't in his own body. He slowly looked over at Sam's concerned face and whispered, "Can you drive me to the hospital?"

Without question or hesitation Sam was out of the car and at his door. Blaine clumsily climbed over to the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt with numb fingers. He was numb all over. He didn't even realize that Sam had held his hand the whole way there.


	6. Love, Actually- Part 2

Chapter 6: Love, Actually- Part 2

December 2nd

"Son, you need to go home and sleep. At some point I'll convince your mother to do the same." His dad smiled and looked over at his sleeping wife, who was curled up on the uncomfortable pull-out sofa dozing in and out of unrestful sleep.

Blaine squeezed his hand. "You shouldn't be here by yourself, dad. Hospitals suck, and you've been here for two days already."

Dad wheezed a little as he laughed. "The nurses are here every ten minutes, I get lots of attention, and the best part? My food is served to me," he winked.

Blaine chuckled but wanted to cry at the same time. Two days ago while he was at sectionals, dad had collapsed on the bathroom floor after puking his brains out- he had been sick for a few days prior, but everyone assumed it was just a stomach bug that was going around. Or the flu, at the very worst...

No one expected the doctors to walk in with the test results and say that dad had stage two stomach cancer. Blaine's insides wouldn't stop shaking when he thought that word, cancer... He couldn't imagine life without his father. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push that thought away.

"Blaine, go get some sleep. Tomorrow the specialist is coming to talk over our options. I'm fine right now, so let's all try to relax until we know what we're in for," he said.

How could dad be so calm about this? Isn't he falling apart, too? Didn't he feel that black dread in his gut like Blaine did? "I'm not leaving," he insisted. Honestly he didn't want his dad out of his site. Blaine knew this was irrational but he he was currently exhausted to the point of delirium. "You're the one that should be resting, dad. Not trying to stay awake for a football game."

Dad waved his hand in dismissal. "Hey, nothing will get between me and my cowboys!"

"Always a Texas boy at heart," Blaine said warmly.

"That's right!"

Blaine shook his head. Some men and their sports... He liked them well enough, but he was as passionate about them as dad was. Sometimes Blaine wondered if dad was ever disappointed that neither of his sons were big sports fans. Suddenly a memory flashed through his mind, a fuzzy memory of dad trying to convince his five-year-old self to play basketball in their driveway. Blaine's chest felt constricted as he remembered this, because losing his dad relatively soon was very possible in this sick new reality, and now Blaine deeply regretted not just humoring him and shooting some hoops that day.

Blaine leaned over and rested his head on Dad's arm. He was aching from sitting there for so long, so it felt nice when dad started to rub his back like he did when Blaine was little. The repetitive, familiar motion was a slight comfort in this situation. After a few minutes of silence dad asked, "Is Sam coming back? Maybe _he_ can convince you to go home."

"Yeah, he probably will," Blaine said sourly.

"Is everything ok with you two?"

Blaine just shrugged and shut his eyes, still face down on the mattress. He didn't want to talk about Sam, he didn't even want to think about him because dealing with his feelings for his best friend was not what Blaine needed right now. Of course, aside from going to school, Sam had been by Blaine's side for the last forty-eight hours. Normally Blaine would have been moved by this, but now it just felt inconvenient and ultimately depressing. Then he felt guilty for feeling that way because Sam was obviously the greatest friend ever.

"Are you mad at him?" Dad asked.

"Maybe... But I have no reason to be," Blaine admitted sheepishly, his voice muffled against the scratchy hospital sheets.

Dad remained quiet for a while, and once again Blaine was thankful that Dad never pestered him about things. So Blaine was completely caught off guard when his dad eventually asked, "So are you _ever_ going to tell Sam how you feel about him?"

Blaine bolted upright so fast he was dizzy for a second. "What?!"

Dad chuckled as Blaine blushed and sputtered incoherent denials. "Calm down, son! Your mother and I have known for a year and we haven't told anyone."

Blaine's voice squeaked. "A year?!" His brain was working slower than usual due to lack of sleep so he just sat there wide-eyes and open-mouthed with nothing else to say. Had Blaine been that obvious?

"Parents know these things," Dad said wisely to Blaine's unspoken question. "And we also know that it's been affecting you more and more since we got back from California this summer."

Blaine kept his eyes on the ground and mumbled, "I can't tell him. And I don't want to talk about it."

Dad patted his wrist and took a deep breath before he said, "I understand. I just want to say one thing, if that's ok."

Blaine sighed and reluctantly met dad's eyes. "What is it?"

"When you have feelings for someone, no matter who it is, it's unfair to keep them in the dark about it. Especially if that someone is a good friend. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I can't," Blaine repeated in a raspy voice. "What if he's creeped out and it changes everything, forever? It's not like I can just un-say that I love him-" he stopped short. Saying it out loud made it all seem more painful, more hopeless. He shoved his face back into the mattress and dad resumed the back massage.

"Sam is one of a kind," dad said thoughtfully. "He's a great friend to you. He accepts you for everything you are, and after almost two years of a friendship like you two have, do you really think Sam would let something like this break up the dynamic duo?"

Blaine wanted to badly to believe him, but he didn't think dad could ever fully understand this. It was a different game for gay guys- Blaine had learned over time that you should _never_ make a move or flirt with an established heterosexual male. Toxic masculinity could be a scary thing when it was tested. It could be a violent thing, and Blaine had already seen his fair share of violence. So no, Blaine didn't believe his dad's words one bit.

Blaine sat up and let out a huge yawn as he stretched out. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost five, which meant Sam could be here any time. He stood up. "Ok, you win," he said, not wanting to deal with facing Sam right now. "I'll go home and sleep, but if I'm not here when the specialist comes tomorrow call me right away." He started walking toward the door.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Dad gave him a playful salute. 

Blaine rolled his eyes in exasperation, so he didn't notice that someone was walking in until he collided with them at full speed. "Shit, sorry-" he froze when he was met with blue eyes that he would recognize anywhere.

"No problem, bro," Sam said. "So, any updates?"

"Not until tomorrow. I'm going home to get some sleep," Blaine said shortly. Perhaps it was because of the conversation he and his dad just had, or his exhaustion, or how annoyingly clueless Sam was at the moment, clueless to everything, but Blaine was suddenly angry. How dare Sam come in here all concerned! It wasn't _his_ father's life on the line, and yet he walks in all casually, making Blaine feel worse then he already did without realizing it. Sam would _never_ realize it, and that made Blaine even angrier.

"Wait, dude-" Sam grabbed his hand to try and stop him, but Blaine forcefully ripped it away.

"Don't touch me. I said I'm leaving!" He huffed bitterly and stormed out of the room.

December 3rd

This must be what an out of body experience felt like. Blaine felt like he was watching the scene from above as the doctor started talking, only catching bits and pieces of what was being said. It was almost dream-like; the room threatening to disappear into smoky colors as Blaine lost what little grip he had left on his sanity.

"... We could start with a partial gastrectomy. Basically we go in and remove what we can of the tumor, and after a few weeks we would start radiation therapy to hopefully kill any remaining cancerous cells. This would be a major surgery with some pretty bad side effects: nausea, cramping, vomiting... And you'll only be able to eat tiny bits at a time for a while. Now, we would want to get this done as soon as we can so the cancer does not spread to the outer stomach wall, in which case a full gastrectomy would be necessary." Dr. Paige paused as she flipped through some papers on her clipboard. "Now it seems your insurance should cover at least half of the costs, but you will not be obligated to pay anything until a year after the procedure. Does that sound manageable?"

"The money doesn't matter," Mom said shakily.

Dad squeezed her hand. "And when will this surgery be?" He asked.

More sounds of rustling paper before Dr. Paige replied. "We can do it next Saturday, and then wait a few weeks to see how your body responds before proceeding to radiation."

The color drained from Mom's face at how soon this would be happening. She slightly regained her composure and asked in a strained voice, "And... How likely is it that this will work?"

"Well, luckily we found the cancer before it spread to other parts of the body. The five-year survival rate for stage two patients after treatment is about sixty-five percent."

Mom hunched over and took some ragged breaths, and all Blaine could do was clumsily pat her shoulder in a vain attempt at comfort. He looked over at his dad like he was seeing him for the first time, examining every part of him to make sure he was still tangibly there.

"Is he well enough to come home before the surgery?" Mom asked weakly.

Dr. Paige smiled sympathetically. "Of course. He's been stable since yesterday. I'll just let the nurse know and she'll get you discharged."

"Thank you," mom said, her voice barely audible. Her eyes went distant and Blaine wondered if she felt the same as him- like she was watching this happen from somewhere else.

Dr. Paige kindly asked, "Do you have any more questions?"

"No, thank you very much, doctor," dad said. The doctor shook their hands and smiled as she departed, and that was when mom completely lost it. Her frail-looking body trembled as she sobbed into her hands. Blaine immediately embraced her so dad didn't have to sit up, silently cursing Cooper- he had the left yesterday morning under the guise that he would break his contract if he didn't leave, but Blaine knew he was running away as usual, and he hated his brother for that. Cooper should be here helping Blaine comfort their mother, not hiding in his work across the country.

"Everything will be ok, dear," dad said as he gently ran his fingers through her hair, and seriously how was he still so calm?!

"You don't know that," she said into Blaine's neck.

"Yes, I do," dad said with such certainty that Blaine almost believed him. Mom just shook her head, and then no one spoke again until the nurse came in with the discharge papers. The ride home was also quiet, the silence only broken by mom's intermittent sniffles. Blaine himself was all cried out so he just rested his head against his seat and closed his eyes, terrible thoughts twirling through his head that he couldn't escape. He wanted this nightmare to be over. Maybe he would wake up and it was still Saturday morning and glee hadn't even won sectionals yet- that morning Blaine's biggest worry had been to master the dance to 'Set Fire to the Rain.'

How trivial.

Xxxxx

The Andersons hadn't been home for more than an hour when the entire Evans clan showed up and let themselves in, hands full of flowers, balloons, and food. Stevie and Stacey were the first ones to run up and hug them. "We're sorry. Are you ok?" they kept saying, and then they each handed dad a bouquet of flowers and a card. Blaine felt that warmth in his stomach that everyone feels when children try to comfort them in their innocent, pure way. Kids may not fully understand the seriousness of a situation, yet it's always their first instinct to make everyone smile when they know something's wrong.

Sam gave his round of hugs and Blaine could only look down guiltily when it was his turn. "Sam I'm- I'm sorry about yesterday-"

"Hey," he interrupted softly and bent down to make Blaine look him in the eyes. "Don't even worry about it. It's ok."

Blaine shook his head. "No it's not. You've been so great and I shouldn't-"

"Dude, stop talking," Sam laughed and hugged him tightly. "I understand, ok? Everything's cool."

Blaine did what he was told and stopped talking as he relaxed into Sam's familiar and comforting arms, leaning his head heavily on Sam's shoulder like the week's events were weighing him down. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open and, if Sam wasn't there, Blaine really didn't think he could hold up his own body. "Thanks for coming over," he mumbled sleepily. What he really meant was 'thanks for being so nice to me after I was an asshole.'

Blaine felt the chuckle in Sam's chest. "Of course. Um, do you want to go lay down before you fall asleep standing up?"

Blaine pulled away and mentally cursed himself- he needed to stop putting himself in these situations. It only made him long for Sam even more. He took a step back. "You're right. Back to school tomorrow. Um, you can stay down here with everyone. I'll be fine," he attempted a smile but it felt more like a grimace. He headed upstairs without looking back at Sam.

After changing his clothes and getting settled into his bed Blaine let a few more tears fall, and then, without consciously realizing it, he started to build that wall again. The wall that kept everyone and everything at bay. He would distance himself from Sam, from everybody... Blaine had no control over his brain right now. It just kept on building, pushing Blaine back into the dark cave he had left behind two years ago, where he monitored everything he did, said, or even looked at. The cave where no one could hurt him, and as twisted as it was, Blaine welcomed this reunion with the dark space. It was much safer here.

January 17th

Blaine couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a good night's sleep. He tossed and turned in bed for an hour tonight before he heard his dad getting sick again. Dad was doing a little better, but Dr. Paige definitely wasn't lying about the recovery process. Dad had been in extreme pain since the surgery and puking every day after the tiniest of meals. And of course, when he starts feeling better he'll then have to do radiation and go through all of this misery again. Seeing him like that, and how this has all affected mom, made Blaine feel like he was drowning and couldn't move any of his limbs to stay afloat.

He quickly got up and tread to his parents' bedroom. Not wanting mom to get up (she'd been getting even less sleep than Blaine), he grabbed the trash can from his dad to change out the bag, refilled his water cup, and fetched some crackers and set them on the bedside table.

"Thank you, son" he whispered feebly. Blaine gave a small smile and leaned down to kiss his clammy forehead.

"Do you need anything else?" Blaine asked as he absentmindedly covered his mom with an extra blanket. She smiled sleepily and then continued snoring.

Dad answered, "No. Sorry I woke you-"

"I wasn't sleeping," Blaine interrupted. "Don't apologize."

Dad chuckled and patted the space on the edge of the bed. Blaine obeyed and sat down. He leaned his head carefully on Dad's shoulder, to which he said, "I'm not made of glass, you know," and squeezed Blaine in a weak hug.

"Of course I know that. You're made of steel."

"And don't forget it!"

Blaine smiled. They sat quietly for a while, listening to the gentle tinkling of the wind chimes on the balcony. Eventually dad asked casually, "So what's going on with you and Sam? He doesn't come around as much."

That was a tough question. Sam had been coming over every Saturday like clockwork only to have Blaine bore him half to death and shut him out, but, being the good friend that Sam was, he never stopped trying. He probably just adhered Blaine's behavior to his dad's situation, having no clue that Blaine was completely fading into the darkness of his cave, wanting to be invisible again. "Sam and I... Haven't had a chance to hang out much," he said evasively.

"Mmm," dad acknowledged. "What about Tina or Kurt? You should go see them and get out of this house for a while."

Blaine didn't reply. It's true that he hadn't talked to any of his friends lately, but it took too much energy to try and engage in everyday conversation. It was like Blaine was on the autopilot setting- he just went through the motions of everyday life because he had no choice, when really Blaine's mind was constantly racing about his mom, dad, and Sam, or how he's never disliked Cooper more in his life, or how everything is different and upside down and sideways who knew if it would ever be the same again. Because of this messy web in his mind his grades had started slipping, but Blaine was finding it really hard to care at this point. The only solace he had was glee club. The only time that Blaine felt even remotely ok was when he was singing at the top of his lungs. Any energy he did manage to muster went to that alone.

A couple of minutes of silence passed before dad continued: "You need to tell Sam, son. It's eating you up, anyone can see that."

Again Blaine didn't answer.

"I'll tell you what. Just promise me that you'll tell him eventually, and I'll drop it," dad proposed.

"Deal," Blaine sighed.

Dad started to cough profusely. Even in the dark Blaine could see the pained look on his face, his mouth in a tight grimace as he struggled to catch his breath. Blaine handed him his water, feeling completely useless, an emotion he experienced nearly twenty-four seven nowadays but it never got any easier.

Mom woke at the noise, startling awake with panicked eyes. Dad said in a scratchy voice, "It's alright, sweetheart. Just go back to sleep." Mom squinted her eyes at them, not even fully conscious, nodded vaguely and then collapsed back onto the bed. Dad slowly ate a cracker and took a pill for the pain, and gave a strained sigh as he sat back.

"I'll let you get some rest," Blaine said. He leaned in and kissed him on the forehead again, and was about to leave when dad caught his wrist in a weak grip.

"Blaine, one more thing," he said quietly. "You can't push everyone away every time you're scared or hurt." Blaine looked down shamefully, already not wanting to hear anymore. "Son, look at me." Blaine reluctantly raised his head, tears stinging his eyes. Dad continued wearily, "you'll lose the people you care about if you do that. Let people help you. And help yourself and keep living your life. You can't stop living because of me."

"So I'm supposed to just go out and pretend that nothing is wrong? I'm supposed to just leave you to fend for yourself like Cooper did?" Blaine exclaimed.

"We understand why your brother left-" Blaine scoffed but dad talked over him -"but that's not the point. What I'm saying is, help yourself by making yourself happy."

Blaine nodded and squeezed his hand. "You're right."

"I'm always right." Dad heaved himself to the middle of the bed and patted next to him again. "Lay in here for a while," he said. Blaine could tell he was getting worn out so he lay down without argument, and that night he finally got four straight hours of sleep- the most he'd gotten in weeks.

February 8th

Blaine couldn't remember ever feeling as angry as he did right then, looking at Cooper's smug face as he stood in front of the glee club giving the worst acting lessons Blaine had ever seen. His brother had strut in not even ten minutes ago with no call or warning, acting like everything was just peachy. Blaine's face flushed with rage as Cooper started 'teaching.' This idiot had bailed on dad the second he could and had hardly talked to them since Christmas, and now he comes without any warning? All Blaine saw was red throughout Cooper's entire stupid lesson, so when Cooper wrapped up by thanking everyone for their support for him and his family during these hard times, Blaine snapped.

"Hard times? How the hell would you know?" Blaine asked scathingly and the room fell into a shocked silence.

"What?" Cooper was taken aback but recovered himself and became defensive. "How dare you say that to me!"

Blaine jumped to his feet. "How dare I? How dare you!! You haven't been there for the hard times, you son of a-!"

"Blaine!" Mr. Shue interjected. "You need to calm down!"

But Blaine shouted over him, hitting his breaking point. "You left. You don't get to say things like that! You haven't been here to see how hard it really is-"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Cooper yelled.

Mr. Shue tried again. "Guys!" But he may as well have been talking to a wall.

"Oh, please!" Blaine scoffed. "You've been off making a new crappy movie and having a hay-day in Hollywood while-"

"Blaine, I swear if you don't shut up _right now-"_

Blaine didn't let him finish. Before he knew what he was doing he had ran and tackled his big brother to the ground, only getting one punch in before Sam wrapped his arms around him and pulled him off while Finn and Puck restrained Cooper.

"Sam, let me go," Blaine said as calmly as he could, grinding his teeth together. "I'm leaving."

Sam decided after a moment that it was safe and let him go. Blaine stomped over to pick up his backpack and then headed straight to the weight room. He needed to punch something, like now, so he yanked on his gloves and hit the bag with all of his force, plus some, until he literally couldn't anymore. He collapsed on the floor, panting and trembling. He had definitely overdone it- his chest felt like it was about to explode. Whether it was Blaine's physically exhausted state or his rage or his stress over the last two months, something made him break and he suddenly started sobbing uncontrollably to the point of hyperventilating. He was attempting to get up and get some water when Sam walked in.

"Blaine!" The fear and worry in his voice was obvious. As if he read Blaine's mind, as usual, Sam quickly went to the water dispenser and filled two foam cups, but Blaine only managed to drink half of one because he couldn't get his breathing under control. "Blaine, deep breaths, come on," he soothed. Blaine tried, but when Sam tried embracing him in a gesture of comfort his whole body went rigid as his wall went up instinctively. He didn't want to need his best friend so much. It just ended up hurting, and he was tired of it. Sam noticed his reaction and looked at him curiously, a hint of hurt in his eyes.

"I'll b-be fine, b-but thanks, S-sammy," he choked. Everything was spinning, he felt so confused and mad and now guilty to top it off. "I'm gonna g-go." He stumbled out the door without another word.

February 12th

The last thing Blaine expected to see when he came out of his room for dinner was Mr. Shue, Sam, and Cooper sitting at the dining table with his parents. He froze in the doorway, waiting for an explanation and avoiding his brother's eyes. Sam was glancing everywhere and fidgeting uncomfortably. Seriously, what was going on?

Mr. Shue smiled at him. "Hi, Blaine! Come sit down. We all need to talk."

"Ok..." Blaine sat stiffly next to Sam. Mom sighed and crossed her arms before dad began to speak: "Mr. Schuester and some other teachers have informed us that your grades have been falling this semester."

"Ok..." He said again, not sure why there was some kind of family meeting just to lecture him about his grades.

"What do we need to do to ensure you'll do better?" Dad asked calmly.

Blaine bowed his head in shame. He could sense the disappointment in that deceivingly calm voice. "I'm sorry. I'll do better," he said meekly.

Mom joined in after a tense moment. "We can talk more about that later. There's more we want to talk about... Sam has come to both Mr. Schuester and us to say how worried he is about you, how different you've been acting."

Blaine whipped his head up to look at Sam, who was suddenly intently focused on the ceiling as his foot tapped nervously.

"You shouldn't get mad at Sam," Mr. Shue said quickly. "We've all been worried. We just want to know if you're ok."

Blaine was at a loss for words. This was like the worst intervention ever. He knew that Sam only did this because he cared, but this was just downright awkward. "And what's he doing here?" Blaine nodded rudely to Cooper, who had been silently staring at his hands until now.

"You and your brother need to talk," Mom said sternly. "I will not have my two sons fist-fighting. Not now, when it's important that we stick together."

"Stick together?" Blaine asked incredulously. "Maybe you should talk to him about that. He's the one that bailed."

Cooper finally piped up angrily. "That's not how it was!"

Blaine rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm going back to my room."

"Sit. Down." The authority in dad's voice was enough to make Blaine plop back down in a millisecond. "Now," Dad continued. "You need to listen. Your brother has been working non-stop, taking any role he could get because we found out how much my treatments are going to cost. He agreed, without hesitation, to pay for all of it, and if he didn't leave when he did, he would have lost the highest-paying job he ever had."

It felt like Blaine had been slapped in the face and shrunk to the size of ant. He was basically the worst person ever. He slowly looked over at Cooper. "I'm sorry," he said lowly. Cooper nodded slightly, and only then did Blaine notice the bags under his eyes and how his face looked thinner, more gaunt.

"Ok, one more thing," Mr. Shue said.

Oh, for the love of Cher, couldn't this damn meeting thing be over already?

"What is it?" Blaine asked.

"I have some pamphlets here- thanks to my lovely fiancé- with some resources that I think you could all benefit from. There's a list of therapists and support groups for cancer victims and their families." _Kill me now,_ Blaine thought. "A cancer diagnosis affects everyone. It takes it's toll on family members and puts us under so much stress that, sometimes, we lose it. And it's ok to lose it once in a while, Blaine, but I think it's important that, when that happens, you learn to cope and have a support network there for you, for all of you," he looked at Cooper and their parents. "Would you all be willing to give it a shot?"

Dammit, the last thing Blaine wanted to do was sit in a circle of strangers and cry about his life, but in his heart he knew it was probably a good idea because he shouldn't feel this comfortable in his mental cave. He nodded reluctantly before asking, "So is this... Thing over now? Can I go?"

"Yes," mom said. "I hope you took this seriously."

"I did," Blaine promised.

Mom nodded in approval. "There's pizza in the kitchen."

"Ok," Blaine glanced at Sam and gave him a small smile to let him know he wasn't mad. Sam grinned in utter relief.

Blaine grabbed a piece of pizza, headed back to his room, and sat back on his bed with a tired sigh. Well that was... Interesting.

March 20th

Blaine felt terrible for how he acted toward everybody for the last few months, but no one more than Sam. Blaine was trying to work on it. It was slow-going but he decided to do the 'healthy' thing- according to the family therapist- and he asked Sam to come with them today. It was time to hear the results of dad's radiation therapy and, as hard as it was, Blaine admitted to himself that he wasn't handling this upcoming appointment well. So who else would he ask for moral support than Sam, after apologizing for his behavior profusely of course. Blaine had even bought him the Deadpool DVD to prove how much he meant it.

Blaine was sure glad he made the decision to bring Sam along, because he went completely blank and very unsteady when Dr. Paige told them the results: "I'm very sorry, Mr. Anderson, but the radiation didn't work as well as we had hoped." Blaine's mouth went dry. "We were hoping to kill any remaining cancer cells, but some are still there." Blaine leaned back on the wall. It was like the wind had been knocked out of him. Mom put her head in her hands. "The good news is that they're not spreading. We do have some other options but I'm afraid we don't have the technology you'll need here in Ohio." At this point Blaine was on the verge of falling over he was so dizzy. Sam put an arm around his waist to support him. "There is a treatment center in Colorado, however, that can offer this advanced form of radiation. Unfortunately there is a two month waiting list but..." At that point Blaine stopped listening. Everything sounded muffled due to his heart pounding in his ears. Not even ten minutes ago he thought his dad had a chance...

"Hey, come on," Sam's voice whispered in his ear as he gently pulled on Blaine's hand. Blaine snapped back to reality to see that everyone else was already out of the room. He must have zoned out longer than he thought. With numb, shaky legs he followed along. As with most car rides from the hospital, this one was quiet and tense, so Blaine stayed in his weird dissociative state- if he didn't, then the sight of his parents holding hands in the front seats so tightly, so desperately, would have sent Blaine into hysterics.

When they arrived home it was as if four zombies exited the car and dragged themselves inside. Blaine gave each of his parents a hug before turning to Sam. "Thank you for coming." His own voice sounded a million miles away. Sam hugged him without a word and Blaine decided to give in just this once, just a little. "Can you stay for a while?" He whispered.

"Duh," Sam said. They went to Blaine's bedroom and Sam turned on the tv out of sheer routine. Blaine sat on the mini couch by his desk with his knees curled up against his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around himself. As much as he tried to resist it, the news was really starting to sink in, like the dam in his brain was cracking and poison was seeping through. He squeezed himself harder.

Sam sat down and put his arm around him. Blaine choked out a sob. He wasn't going to be able to keep it together, but he was reluctant to let himself go in front of Sam, to need him again... But dammit, he DID need his best friend, and badly.

"Blaine, I'm so sorry," Sam's voice was thick with unshed tears. This was affecting him and the rest of the Evans family just as much- their families were like one.

Wanting to keep his feelings in check, Blaine kept himself safely curled up but allowed himself to lean his head on Sam's shoulder and let a few tears fall. This was ok- Blaine could control himself. His protective armor was still up, just with one little hole in it for now. He could hear Sam sniffling, too. They stayed like that for an hour with not a single word spoken between them, but that was ok because no words could express the sorrow and dread they were feeling.

April 27th

"So, are you going with your parents to Colorado?" Sam asked.

"They think I should stay here. They're worried I've been too stressed and want me to relax this summer. Can I see your history book?"

"Yeah, here."

They were studying at Sam's house because Blaine had let himself get so behind at the start of the semester that he had to ace all of his finals to bring his grades up to B's.

"So are you going to?"

"Hmmm?" Blaine asked, distracted.

"Are you going to stay here?" Sam asked again.

"Oh, I'm not sure... I don't want to be away from my dad."

"They're right, though. You've been so stressed helping out your dad every day. It would be good for you to take it easy."

"But what if-" Blaine stopped. He couldn't say it out loud-- what if dad never came home?

Sam gave him a sympathetic look. "Everything will be fine. I know it," he said firmly.

Blaine nodded. He knew Sam really wanted him to stay, and Blaine definitely agreed about being stressed, but he didn't think he could physically handle it; the thought of dad being so far away made him nauseous, and the thought of staying here to have a whole summer with Sam again... It was bittersweet and it made his chest ache.

"Please, dude? I really think you should stay, even if only for a month," Sam said sincerely.

Blaine looked at Sam's pleading expression, and although it was wrong and extremely messed up, he couldn't say no so he humored him: "You're right. I could use a breather."

The delighted grin that spread across Sam's face immediately made Blaine feel terrible. He started to form a plan in his head. A stupid plan. A cowardly, deceitful, easy-way-out plan that wasn't at all fair to his best friend. But Blaine had to... He couldn't bear to tell Sam his feelings face-to-face. It was bad enough thinking about how betrayed Sam would feel at the surprise goodbye...


	7. The Letter

Chapter 7:

Junior year- May 18th

Dear Sammy,

I've been sitting here for hours trying to figure out a way to say this and I've got nothing, so I'm just going to put it plainly: I love you, Sam, and not like a friend or a brother. I'm _in_ love with you, like ridiculously stupid in love with you. I don't want to imagine your reaction to that last sentence, I just want to say I'm sorry for letting it get this far, because I tried, Sam. I tried with everything I had _not_ to like you because you're the best friend I've ever had, but now I realize that I was doomed from the beginning. You're just that awesome. For a while I tried to figure out how this happened, and I realized it's simply _you_ and the amazing things you do. Everything you did made me fall for you more:

-when you rushed to Kurt's aid that day that Karofsky pushed him, I knew then that you were more than I had unfairly assumed.

-how you treated me like we had known each other forever even though I was too scared to say a word to anyone.

-when you pushed me to sing at regionals freshmen year, that's when I understood the depth of your thoughtfullness

-being nice enough to teach me to box (I'll always keep my first, worn-out pair of boxing gloves). You saved me. I wasn't living and you helped me to not be scared anymore. That's when I understood the depth of your kindness.

-how you can always read my mind, to the point of annoyance sometimes

-last year, the way you only cared about your family's well-being when _you_ were also suffering, and the look of utter relief and adoration toward your siblings when you guys got a house. That's when I understand the depth of your loyalty.

-volunteering every day during Christmas break to help those less fortunate, when you were literally just homeless. That's when I understood the depth of your selflessness.

-my 17th birthday present. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was when I completely fell for you. Seems trivial, doesn't it? A birthday gift.. But that was when I knew there was no going back.

-punching Sebastian in the face in my defense. Enough said.

-never leaving my side since my dad got diagnosed, though I probably deserved it. But you never gave up on me, even going as far as talking to Mr. Shue and my parents because you were worried. I cannot put into words how much that means to me. You saved me, again, when I was in that dark place.

Sam, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this in person, and I'm even more sorry that I lied to you about going to Colorado. I just need to get away for a while because the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. Maybe if I get away I can finally move on. It's not like I haven't tried- I even dated that asshat, Sebastian, to get over you but there you were, waiting in the wings to make me feel better when he dumped me. I really hope this doesn't make things weird between us because I need you in my life. I promise that I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship, and I promise that I'll move on.

So, I guess that's it. I'll be back in August. I'll miss you, and I'll let you and your family know how dad's treatments are going.

Sincerely,

Blaine


	8. Sam

Chapter 8: Sam

Junior Year

May 18th

"Tina, I know you know something. Why is he avoiding me? And why are you helping him?" Sam asked accusingly.

"First of all, I don't know why he's avoiding you, and second of all, he said he'd meet you in the choir room after school to go to the bonfire."

"So you don't know where he is right now?"

"I told you, he's meeting with some college counselors today," Tina said.

Sam knew she was lying. She sucked at it. "You know, your eyes start twitching a little when you're lying," he huffed. 

She put her hands on her hips. "You know what? Take out your irritation on Blaine in the choir room later. I'm out of this," Tina scoffed.

Sam spun around and followed her. "Wait! I'm sorry, Tina. I'm just... Blaine's been acting different. I guess I'm just worried."

Tina's face softened a little. "It's ok. Just... Talk to him after school."

Sam sighed in defeat. He had thought that Blaine was doing better since he and his family started therapy, but within the last week he noticed Blaine starting to pull away again. Naturally Sam assumed that it was because Mr. Anderson was about to travel for his treatment, but something felt different this time... Sam couldn't quite define it, but something about Blaine's behavior gave him a sick feeling. A ball of anxiety in his gut. Sam even suspected that Blaine really was going to Colorado contrary to his words, but again, Sam felt like there was something more to it than that, something that made Sam so uneasy and he didn't know why. Why was Blaine getting that far-away look more and more?

That's when Sam made a decision. If his suspicions about Blaine going with his parents were right, then Blaine obviously didn't plan on saying much in the choir room because their flight was barely an hour after school got out. Which meant Sam only had minutes to confess to his best friend that he was in love with him, because that dreadful feeling in his gut told him that once Blaine got on that plane it would be too late.

_Xxxxx_

_Freshmen Year_

_May 30th- Nationals_

_Sam glanced around the hotel lobby but didn't see the perfectly gelled head he was looking for. "Hey, have you guys seen Blaine?" He asked._

_"He went out to eat with Kurt," Artie replied._

_Mercedes added, "Jeez, it's about time Kurt asked him out. He's liked Blaine since he got here."_

_"They're on a date?" Sam asked, and he couldn't tell you why he was so bothered by it._

_"Yeah, I wonder how it's going," Mercedes mused._

_Quinn slinked over and wrapped her arms around Sam protectively and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He hated when she did that. Whenever he talked to a girl- literally any female on the earth- Quinn had to come and put a claim on him or something._

_Sam took out his phone and considered texting Blaine, but if it really was a date then he didn't want to be rude... He got a weird, unsettling feeling in his stomach at the idea of Blaine and Kurt together as a mental image of the two kissing flashed through his mind. For some reason the thought thoroughly annoyed him. Maybe Sam just didn't want to see Blaine get hurt. Not that Kurt would do that, but Blaine had been through a lot and was barely starting to come around, so Sam was just worried. Not annoyed. Worried._

_Xxxxx_

_Sophomore Year_

_November 25th_

_"I'm not scared for_ me, _dude! I'm scared for my brother and sister!" Sam choked as he thought about the possibility of them going hungry or not having somewhere warm to sleep. Blaine grabbed his hand and squeezed it in encouragement. Sam held back on like Blaine's hand was an anchor keeping him afloat, because it kind of was, and he continued: "They've already had to deal with a crappy Thanksgiving and now they're going to have a bad Christmas. It's like no matter how many stupid pizzas I deliver I never have enough money left to buy them presents. Or my parents. And they all deserve so much more."_

 _"So do you," Blaine said, so sincerely that Sam laughed sarcastically but it came out as a weird choking sound, because Sam definitely did_ not _deserve it. When his dad moved them out here to Ohio, no one was more resentful than Sam. He gave his parents the cold shoulder for a while and when he did talk it wasn't very nicely. But Blaine didn't know any of that- he thought that Sam was some kind of selfless hero, when really he was selfish and only cared about staying in Kentucky with his friends. No matter that his parents were stressed already. Sam just added to it. He_ _couldn't stop some tears from falling now. His family deserved so much better than a motel room and Sam wished he could give it to them, as if that would somehow make up for his past behavior. It was all so unfair. How could someone just come in one day and take their home away- a home with young children- and then live with themselves knowing they just put a family on the streets? How did they sleep at night?!_

_Suddenly Sam found himself lightly caressing the back of the other boy's hand. He couldn't explain why he did it- it just sort of happened... Maybe Sam was just desperate to feel better, but then why did his heart speed up when Blaine so shyly returned the gesture? Why did his pulse pound in his ears when he met Blaine's intense but bewildered gaze? It happened so fast that Sam couldn't begin to process it, because then Blaine was ripping his hand away and hurriedly changing the subject and saying that Sam didn't need to worry about Christmas, that he and the glee club would help._

_Well, if Blaine obviously wanted to pretend that nothing happened then that's what Sam would do. He couldn't explain it himself, so he locked away what just happened until another day and gave Blaine a hug to show how grateful he was. Blaine was the best, purest person Sam knew and he had never had such a close friend before, and it seemed like a hug didn't do justice for what Sam was feeling at that moment._

_March 8th- Regionals_

_Ever since Sam and his family moved in with the Andersons, he had been having strange thoughts. New kinds of thoughts that thoroughly confused him, like how incredible Blaine was for everything he had done and that Sam couldn't imagine his life without him. Or Sam would notice how defined Blaine's abs look in a muscle tee, would catch himself staring at Blaine's smile or his big, brown eyes. He would feel a weird sensation in his body whenever Blaine complimented him or looked at him like Sam was the best person on Earth._

_Yeah, strange thoughts like those._

_Now, Sam had never thought he was gay, but the more he thought about it the more confused he got because he realized he had only dated one girl in middle school, and really all he remembered was holding her hand once. In high school, he dated Quinn because it was pretty much expected of him. You know, the quarterback dating the hot cheerleader, but Sam had to admit to himself that making out with Quinn didn't really do much for him- that is, there was no 'spark' as they say. Sam figured it was just because he couldn't stand Quinn but... What if there was another reason that Sam was completely unaware of? What would Sam do if he was...? Ok, everyone knew that Sam was the last person to be known as homophobic. He accepted everyone without hesitation with no judgment, but he was well aware that not everyone was like that. He knew the daily torments that Blaine and Kurt went through and maybe- as pathetic as it was- maybe Sam was too cowardly to go through that himself. Maybe he was too scared to treat himself with the same open-mindedness that he treated everyone else with, but why? Was it society's fault? Was the negative stigma of being gay completely ingrained in Sam's subconscious, even if he took every precaution for that not to happen?_

_Or, an equally confusing option: did he really like Blaine, or was that man just so incredible that Sam simply leaned on him because he needed him so badly? Were these feelings romantic? Or was Sam dealing with that hero complex thing? You know, like when someone saves you and you fall for them because of it? What if that's all this was, and Sam acted on it and ruined everything and, worst of all, hurt Blaine along the way?_

_Fuck, he didn't know!_

_After the New Directions' win at Regionals Sam found himself alone outside thinking about all of this, and that's when Mercedes found him. She walked straight up to him and kissed him smack on the lips._

_Sam was completely caught off guard. Like seriously, what the hell? Mercedes said breathlessly, "Sorry. I wanted to do that before I chickened out."_

_The last thing Sam wanted was to hurt her feelings, and Jesus, talk about being put on the spot at the worst possible time! He smiled politely and asked, "So what did you think?" and part of him may have been hoping that she would answer with 'eh, not feeling it' just so that he didn't have to._

_Instead she said, "I think I want to do it again."_

_Being in the confused and befuddled state that he was and also not wanting to hurt the girl standing in front of him, Sam kissed her back and forced all of the other voices in his head to go away, including the one that said there was no 'spark' here, either._

_April 29th_

_"I'm so happy for you guys!" Blaine said as he hugged Sam._

_"I know! I feel like I'm going to explode with relief!" Sam felt so happy he could cry. He felt euphoric and giddy and amazing._

_Blaine looked up at him with a tender expression, again looking at Sam like he was the best thing in the world. His face heated up, something that had been happening more and more when he was with Blaine. He held the shorter boy's gaze and suddenly had the urge to lean forward. The thought caught Sam off guard, and maybe he did move without realizing it because Blaine snapped back like he'd been electrocuted and then quickly went to get a soda. Shit, did Sam freak him out? He didn't mean to... And he really tried not to think of the implications of Blaine stepping away so quickly. He tried to change the subject, "So are you nervous for nationals this weekend?" Without realizing it Sam had took another step toward him, and Blaine clumsily backed up into the table and spilled his mom's champagne. What was wrong with him? Sam swore he didn't really lean in before, did he?_

_Blaine eventually admitted that the dancing was hard, so Sam assured him that he would do great because, well, when did Blaine not kill it on stage? Thankfully, any awkwardness that just transpired was quickly forgotten in the excitement of their parents' surprise vacation for them. Once again Sam felt nothing but happy and hopeful, all thanks to his best friend._

_June 30th- California_

_Sam had a feeling that he already knew what Mercedes wanted to 'talk' about, but did this really have to be done over the phone? With a heavy heart he dialed her number. "Hey, you wanted to talk?" He asked, going through the lines even though he already knew what was coming._

_"Yeah..." The tone of her voice confirmed everything. "Look, Sam, I really liked you but I always had a feeling we weren't ever on the same level, you know?"_

_"Yeah, I know," he admitted. "I'm so sorry. I never should have led you on. I just... I don't know..."_

_"It's ok. I'll be ok," she said with shaky confidence._

_"Ok, I'm sorry," he said again, but there wasn't enough apologies in the world for hurting her. "Can we still be friends?"_

_"Yeah. I'd like that."_

_"Ok. Bye, Mercedes."_

_"Bye, Sam."_

_Click._

_Sam threw his phone on the bed with a frustrated sigh. He went to his bag and grabbed out his sketchbook. Drawing usually helped Sam feel better and right now he felt like absolute crap. He had had two girlfriends in his high school career and they had both dumped him, but mostly he felt bad for Mercedes- she was one of his good friends and he never meant to cause her any pain, but the longer that they were together the more Sam couldn't deny the lack of chemistry, and apparently neither could she. And the reasoning behind that fact was something that Sam wasn't ready to face. On the occasions that he did let himself think about it, he constantly berated himself for being so weak and afraid and pathetic, so it was best not to think about it at all, even if the way he felt around Blaine was getting harder to control._

_Ugh, his head hurt! With an exasperated sigh he began to roughly sketch a pair of boxing gloves as his mind wandered to Blaine. Sam remembered how nervous he was to learn how to box, and how adorable he looked when Sam got him a pair of gloves for his birthday. Then three months later he came back from California and didn't even look like himself anymore. He was a new and more confident Blaine Anderson, and Sam remembered feeling really proud of him because Blaine deserved to feel that way about himself. The memory brought a small smile to Sam's face._

_He continued drawing the outline of someone wearing the gloves and naturally it took the shape of Blaine, and suddenly Sam was struck with an idea. He couldn't afford to buy Blaine anything for his birthday but he could always make him something... The pencil moved more fervently across the page as the image came together in Sam's mind. As he drew he started doing an inner monologue in his announcer voice: 'Night Bird and Blond Chameleon, the dynamic duo of McKinley High, join forces with two of the world's most famous superheroes to deliver a one-of-a-kind present to a Mr. Blaine Anderson. Stay tuned for details.'_

_Of course this present wouldn't compare to when Blaine bought Sam tickets to comic-con for his birthday, but still, he hoped Blaine would like it._

_Junior Year_

_August 23rd- first day of school_

_"Hey, Sam," Brittany sat at the desk next to him and smiled._

_"Uh, hi," Sam replied, puzzled. He and Brittany didn't talk much outside of glee club._

_Brittany said oh-so-casually, "So I need you to be my boyfriend."_

_"What? Why?"_

_"Because we need each other, silly," she laughed airily._

_Sam furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I don't get what you..."_

_"Just trust me. I need you for my situation and you need me for yours. So I'll see you tonight for our first official date!" With that Brittany got up and dazedly walked back to her normal seat._

_And that's how Sam randomly started dating Brittany S. Pierce. At least, unlike with Mercedes, Brittany_ did _seem on the same non-commitment level as him. More than he knew at the time, in fact._

_October 7th_

_Every day Sam grew more and more confused about his feelings for Blaine but he had no clue what to do about it. There were a few times when Sam almost lost control of himself and made a move, but then Blaine would pull away so fast it's like Sam was contagious with something, like in California when Sam gave him his birthday present. Sam's stomach was all butterflies as he saw how close Blaine's face was to his own, and he thought that maybe he should just go for it and it would finally be the moment that Sam figured out how he really felt, but then Blaine stepped back and changed the subject._ _Sam had to infer at this point that Blaine just didn't like him in that way. Everyone in glee always teased that Blaine was crushing on him and Sam would laugh it off, secretly flattered, but what if everyone was wrong? That idea didn't sit well with Sam... Why wouldn't Blaine like him? Was there something wrong with Sam? They were best friends and with how often they were together Sam didn't think it would be too much to extend that title to 'boyfriends.'_

_There was also the fact that Sam was a complete coward. If he was right about his feelings then he would have a huge secret that he would have to tell everyone he knew, and if he was wrong about his feelings and ended up hurting Blaine in the process, Sam wouldn't be able to live with himself. It was a constant stream of questions running through his head: gay or not gay? Genuine feelings or confusion?_

_He stood at his open locker completely zoned out in his thoughts._

_"Sam, can I talk to you?" Brittany's voice pulled him back to the present._

_He replied vaguely, "Yeah, what's up?"_

_"Our relationship has served it's purpose. It's time for us to part," she said in that nonchalant way she had._

_"Ok... But what do you mean?"_

_She smiled widely. "It means I finally have the guts to be a unicorn and I don't have to pretend anymore. You should do the same." She pecked him on the cheek._

_"Unicorn? What the-"_

_"Yes, unicorn! We're unicorns Sam, and there's nothing wrong with it."_

_Sam shook his head in confusion. "Britt, I don't understand how your mind works. What the hell are you talking about?"_

_Brittany rolled her eyes before she said, "Let me put it this way: there are three men in this school that I haven't had sex with. Kurt, Blaine, and you. And I_ dated _you! What does that tell you?" She waited for a moment for Sam to connect the dots, and when the look of realization crossed his face she smiled and walked away._

_Sam was a unicorn, and he was a unicorn for Blaine Anderson. It seemed so obvious. Why was he so confused about this? Of course he liked Blaine and of course his feelings were genuine. How could he doubt that? And why was he so afraid of it?_

_Xxxxx_

_"Sam?"_

_"What?" Sam asked, distracted._

_"What's the matter with you?" Blaine asked, concern clear in his voice._

_Should Sam tell him? How do you tell your best friend- who's thought you were straight for the last two years- that you think about kissing him, like, all the time? And what if Blaine really didn't like him and Sam just makes things awkward? "Nothing. It's nothing," Sam cleared his throat. "We should go see a movie on Friday, or go bowling or something." Oh god, did that sound like Sam was asking him on a date or was he overthinking this?_

_"I'm actually busy Friday night," Blaine mumbled._

_Sam got a bad feeling and reluctantly asked, "What are you doing?"_

_Blaine hesitated and the bad feeling got worse. "I have a... A date," he said, obviously nervous about it._

_"With who?" Sam tried and failed not to sound petty._

_Blaine slowly looked up and said tentatively, "Sebastian Smyth, from Dalton."_

_Holy hell Sam's chest felt like it was caving in. Why was Blaine going out with that douche? Sam remembered when Blaine came over steaming about what a raging idiot that guy was. Trying to contain his bitterness Sam said, "I thought you said he was an ass."_

_"Maybe I'm wrong about him," he dismissed._

_Sam just wanted to scream, he wanted to say 'no, you don't belong with him! You belong with me!'... But as he's established, Sam was too chicken-shit to do that._

_Blaine continued, "We're going to that bar, Scandals. Should be interesting." His voice had a peculiar strain to it. Was he that nervous? Or was he excited? Oh god, Sam's jealousy went into overdrive at the thought of Blaine picking out his outfit in anticipation, or of Blaine gushing to Sam about how in love he is with another dude._

_"Yeah, interesting," Sam said to himself as his leg started shaking again. Interesting that Sam was right the whole time: Blaine didn't like him in the way he wanted._

_November 30th- Sectionals_

_One punch didn't feel like enough. Sam had never truly hated anyone before, but Sebastian Smyth was sure pushing him to that edge. First he had the audacity to say that Blaine was just good for his physical appeals, and then how dare him talk about Blaine to all of the Warblers like that! What a piece of crap human being, in Sam's opinion. The reason that Sebastian's words made him angry to the point of violence was simple- Sebastian was hurting Blaine, and apparently that was a scary trigger for Sam. Blaine had always had shaky confidence, and now that he was doing better Sam hated to see such an unimportant person like Sebastian try and tear him down. And it did tear him down. Blaine tried to say that nothing was wrong, but Sam knew. Sam had seen Blaine's reaction to Sebastian's insults when no one else had._

_"Good night, Sammy. I'll see you on Monday," Blaine said when he parked in front of Sam's house._

_Sam could tell that his mind was elsewhere, and he was still exuding that negative energy that he always tried so hard to hide from Sam, from everyone. How could he make Blaine see that Sebastian was dead wrong about him? How could he make Blaine believe the truth about how amazing he really is? Sam had no answers, so he said simply, "Don't take a dickhead like Sebastian seriously, dude. You're awesome."_

_Blaine scoffed slightly and said "Honestly, can you read minds?"_

_"Only yours," Sam teased with a smile, though he didn't think that statement was accurate. Since the day they met Blaine was a constant mystery to Sam. He always had to try and figure him out like a puzzle or pry the truth out of him. It was exhausting._

_With his eyes on the steering wheel Blaine gave a sad smile before he murmured, "I used to feel that way about myself, every minute of every day."_

_"What?"_

_"I knew in my heart that I was a pathetic loser when I came here, but then I met- met everyone in glee club. Tonight I realized that I'm still exactly the same, still crazy, still awkward, still just..." He trailed off._

_"Pathetic?" Sam filled in sarcastically. This was all wrong! How could Blaine really feel that way about himself? Just because an idiot like Sebastian said so? Sam grabbed Blaine's hand, giving in to his urges just this little bit because, for God's sake, he_ needed _Blaine to understand this! He desperately felt the need to prove to Blaine that none of what he just said is true. Sam's hand burned from the other boy's soft warmth. Blaine finally looked up from the steering wheel with bewildered, dark eyes and Sam stared right at them and said seriously, "You're the complete opposite, you know. You're like, the strongest and coolest person I've ever met."_ _Even in the dark Sam could see Blaine's face go red before he was looking down again, and for once he didn't jerk away like Sam had the black plague. Interpreting these as positive signs, Sam slowly put his other hand on Blaine's cheek and made him look at him.The back of Sam's brain was screaming 'Stop! What the hell are you doing? You're about to ruin everything. Abort! Abort!' but Sam was caught in a trance, his eyes glued to Blaine's as he whispered, "You're amazing."_

_Blaine's eyes widened like a dear caught in the headlights, and Sam wasn't in control of his own body anymore. He started to lean closer very slowly and felt Blaine's face heat up under his fingers, felt his quickening breaths on his lips. Finally, Sam would know what this felt like..._

_They both jumped at the sound of Blaine's phone ringing. Sam came out of that weird trance-like state, both frustrated and relieved that the moment was interrupted but those emotions quickly turned to worry when he heard the tone of the conversation. "Dude, what's going on?" Sam asked when he was off the phone. Instead of answering him Blaine just stared into space. Oh no, was he going into shock? Sam's heart started to race. He shook Blaine's shoulders. "Blaine! Talk to me!" He said desperately._

_Finally Blaine answered meekly, "Can you drive me to the hospital?"_

_Sam's heart stopped and he felt the blood drain from his face. He didn't know exactly what happened but he knew it had to be bad, so he immediately got out and ran to the driver's side door while Blaine crawled to the passenger seat. For the entire drive he gripped Blaine's hand tightly in his own and no matter how hard Sam held on, Blaine's hand never stopped shaking._

_February 8th_

_"Blaine!" All of the air left Sam's lungs at the sight of his best friend- oh screw that, at the sight of the man he freaking_ loved- _trembling and sobbing on the ground, red-faced and sweaty, and breaking Sam's heart. He sprung into action and brought Blaine some water, but he was hyperventilating and unable to get much down. Out of instinct he wrapped his arms around Blaine protectively. "Blaine, deep breaths. Come on," Sam tried to sound calmer than he felt, which was scared to death. Then Blaine's body went rigid in his arms and Sam could feel his tense energy all around him. He pulled back and looked at Blaine with questioning eyes, a little stung at his reaction, and Sam hated what he saw: Blaine's eyes were completely blank, his face like stone as he stuttered, "I'll b-be fine, b-but thanks, S-Sammy." Then he was tripping towards the door and gone without a backwards glance._

 _Sam was on the verge of losing it himself. His gut told him to give Blaine some space right now, but he had to do_ something, _because it dawned on Sam why the ghostly expression on Blaine's face just now disturbed him so much- it was the mask Blaine wore when he first arrived at McKinley, back when he was scared and felt completely alone, and there was no way Sam would sit by willingly and let Blaine go through that again, because Blaine was too good of a person to feel that kind of sorrow on top of everything else he had to deal with. Seriously, couldn't the universe cut Blaine a little slack? Hadn't he been through enough?_

 _Sam ran to Mr. Shue's office feeling helpless and desperate and clueless on who else he could turn to right this moment, but he needed to take some kind of action or he would go nuts. Because he knew- after everything that happened since Sectionals Sam_ knew _without a doubt that he loved Blaine and would do anything to keep him from any more suffering._

_March 20th_

_Sam's existence had pretty much boiled down to one thing: make sure Blaine was ok. He knew he couldn't act on his feelings for Blaine, not with so much going on and Blaine still not acting like himself. Sometimes it took all of Sam's will not to shake him or slap him, or even kiss him- anything to make Blaine snap out of it and come back to Sam the way he was before. But he had to be patient. At least that's what Blaine's therapist said when Sam went to him for advice._

_That patience finally seemed to pay off because Blaine had apologized profusely for his behavior and he'd even bought Sam a movie to prove he wouldn't do it again, and Sam just couldn't believe that Blaine was seriously apologizing considering what he was going through. Anyway, after Sam chided him for his needless regret, Blaine had asked him to come along today to hear his dad's test results. Somehow Sam had convinced himself that Mr. Anderson would be all clear and pull through, because it simply couldn't happen any other way, so he was shocked when Dr. Paige said that the radiation hadn't worked 'as well as we'd hoped.' As she explained further options and recommended a treatment center somewhere in Colorado, Sam could feel Blaine's growing anxiety next to him. He eventually put his arm around Blaine's waist because he looked like he could pass out any second._

_When they arrived back at the Anderson house Sam fully expected Blaine to shut him out again, to put his wall up and leave Sam stranded on the other side, but to his surprise Blaine actually asked him to stay for a while. He even let Sam comfort him, a little, but Sam counted it as a win._

Junior Year

May 18th

Sam ran into the choir room and skidded to a stop. He whirled around in a circle, breathless, and realized that the room was empty. What the hell? Tina said he would be here. Did he decide to just leave Sam high and dry and go to the airport?

"Sam," Blaine's voice made him jump.

"Jesus, Blaine!" He gasped.

"Sorry," he said.

Without wasting a beat Sam stated, "You're going to Colorado."

Blaine looked down shamefully, confirming Sam's suspicions. "I'm sorry. I know I said I would stay, but-"

"I don't care about that," Sam interrupted impatiently. "Where have you been?" _Don't you know I'm worried sick about you?_

Blaine reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved an envelope. "I've been writing this. I need you to read it, but not until I leave," he handed it over without reaching Sam's eyes.

Sam grabbed it roughly. "You avoided me to write a letter? I'm not going to see you for three months and this is what you're leaving me with?" he asked incredulously. _Please don't leave. I need to be able to help you. Let me help you! Can't you see how much I need you?_ He immediately felt bad for snapping because he noticed now that Blaine looked like he was about to cry. "I'm sorry," Sam mumbled. "I just needed to talk to you."

Blaine finally looked him in the eyes, but it was that cold, blank look that Sam hated. "I can't talk. I have to get to the airport. I just came to say goodbye and give you that."

Sam was starting to panic. _Please let me tell you I love you. Please bring your warm, happy eyes back because I need you!_ "Please, it's important," Sam pleaded.

For a second he thought Blaine was going to give in. His iron masked cracked and one tear rolled down his cheek and Sam saw the pain in his eyes, but then Blaine caught him in a tight hug and whispered in Sam's ear, "I can't right now. I'll text you when I get there. Bye, Sam." With that he let Sam go and left the room at a fast walk, leaving Sam with tears in his eyes and his heart in pieces.

He stared at the envelope in his hand, scared to see what it contained. What did Blaine have to say that he couldn't tell Sam in person? With an aching in his chest he opened the letter and began to read.

May 19th

With a huge heave Sam thrust his luggage into the trunk of a cab outside of the Denver International Airport. He showed the driver the address that Cooper had sent to him. "Close to the foothills. It'll be forty-five minutes to an hour drive," he said in a gruff voice.

Sam nodded impatiently and started bouncing his legs up and down. Since the moment he decided to come here- and his parents helped him out paying for the last minute plane ticket- he grew more and more desperate to get to Blaine because he needed to physically see him so badly it made his stomach hurt. After reading the letter Sam had ran at full speed to the McKinley parking lot but Blaine was already gone. He called Blaine at least twenty times as he ran back to his house and begged his parents to let him use their car, but it went straight to voicemail every time. With rush hour traffic in full swing, Blaine's flight had already left when Sam was only halfway to the airport, and that's when this terrible hollowness started blooming in his gut, a fierce longing to get to Blaine and tell him everything.

He needed Blaine to know that Sam had always loved him, and that he was just too dumb to figure it out and too cowardly to tell the truth when he finally did. He needed to tell Blaine that he never, ever had to be sorry for feeling the way he did. The very idea was crazy. Sam took out the now crumpled letter from his pocket: _'I don't want to imagine your reaction to that last sentence, I just want to say I'm sorry for letting it get this far..."_ Just reading that one part made Sam want to cry all over again in frustration. He tried to think back if he did or said anything that would have made Blaine so scared to tell him this and then apologize when he did, but Sam had always made it a point that both Blaine and Kurt never had to be uncomfortable around him. Blaine knew that, without a doubt, Sam accepted everyone for who they were, so why would he be so fearful of Sam's reaction? Did he really think that Sam would stop being his friend over this, even if his feelings weren't reciprocated?

Then Sam finally realized something: yes, _of course_ Blaine thought that. He and so many others had been conditioned to think exactly that. Sam remembered Kurt telling a story about a friend of his who asked for a guys number at a bar. Instead of saying, 'Thanks. I'm flattered but I'm straight' like a normal person, the guy turned around and decked Kurt's friend in the face and called him a faggot. After what Blaine had gone through at his old school it made perfect sense why he would be so hesitant to tell his best friend, a self-identified straight dude, that he had feelings for him. How could Sam not realize it before? Now he felt so royally stupid for being so oblivious as well as guilty for not coming clean about his feelings long ago. If he wasn't so caught up in himself and his stupid issues with it, then this whole mess could have been avoided. Sam had done the one thing he was trying to avoid- he had hurt Blaine without even realizing it.

After nearly an hour of driving Sam felt like he was going to explode from the painful longing in his chest. The driver must have felt Sam's mood because he turned around and said, "Just another few minutes."

"Ok, thanks," Sam said as he started chewing his nails, anticipation bubbling unbearably inside him.

They finally pulled up to the cabin that Cooper was renting for the family while Mr. Anderson was in the treatment center. Sam jumped out of the car and pulled out his luggage. He threw the cash through the open passenger window and yelled "Thank you!" over his shoulder and ran up to the door. He pulled out his phone and called Cooper with shaky hands. "Yo," Cooper answered in a bored tone.

"Hey, I'm here," Sam said breathlessly. Jeez, he sounded like a twelve-year-old girl.

"Alright. Door's unlocked, just come on in."

Sam hung up and slowly walked through the door into a cozy living room. On the right was a small but functional, bright kitchen where Cooper was sitting at a round coffee table. Without looking up from a script he was reading Cooper said, "Down that hallway. Second door on the left."

Sam dropped his bag where he stood and strode down the hallway. He stood in front of the second door and took a deep breath. He could hear Blaine moving around inside, and Sam had never felt so nervous in his life but the increasingly painful need to see Blaine overshadowed any doubt Sam was feeling. With his knuckles Sam gave three soft knocks on the door. _Oh God, oh god, oh god..._

Blaine opened the door and froze. They stared at each other for what felt like forever before he gasped, "Sam? What are you doing here?"

Now Sam didn't know what to say. Seriously?! He travelled all this way and he couldn't think of a way to say this?! Instead Sam followed his instincts and pulled Blaine into him. He tried to pull away but no way was Sam going to let him this time. He squeezed Blaine harder, inhaling the scent of his hair gel and cologne and just _him_ , and Sam noticed the ache in his chest lessened the longer he held Blaine against him, but wasn't completely gone yet. So Sam pulled back slightly, roughly grabbed Blaine's T-shirt and pulled his face forcefully into his own, kissing him with all of the desperation he'd felt on the way here. After a moment of shocked surprise Blaine kissed him back, and this feeling was better than Sam could have imagined. Blaine slowly wrapped his arms around Sam's torso, his soft lips becoming more confident as Sam sighed deeper into the kiss, his head spinning. Every nerve ending in his body was jumping out of Sam's skin and that pain in his chest was finally gone, thank god. He finally pulled back because he needed to breathe. His eyes fluttered open to see Blaine's flushed face and dazed eyes as he mirrored Sam's panting. Sam kept his hands firm on Blaine's shoulders as if he would disappear forever if he wasn't within reach.

"Sam, what... I-" Blaine breathed.

 _Don't be a coward anymore, Sam. Just say it._ Sam took a deep breath and tried his best to articulate what he was feeling. "I love you, too, Blaine. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out," Sam said, his voice thick with tears. "I've loved you for so long but I was too afraid to tell you. I was scared I'd hurt you and I was scared of losing you if I messed everything up. I'm sorry," he choked again, the tears falling freely now. "I ended up hurting you, anyway! I can tell by your letter how much pain it caused you to keep this secret, and how scared you were of losing me because of it. I'm sorry, Blaine. I'm sorry-!"

Blaine's eyes looked so warm and loving as he put his finger to Sam's lips to make him stop talking, and that made Sam feel even worse because he didn't deserve someone as incredible as the man standing in front of him... But apparently Blaine disagreed because the most beautiful smile Sam had ever seen spread across his face, a smile of pure happiness, pure trust and love that was overwhelming.

Blaine moved his hand to cup Sam's cheek and brushed some tears away with his thumb. "Please stop crying," he said softly before pulling Sam into a tender hug, rubbing his hands up and down Sam's back and soothing him in a way only Blaine could. Sam tucked his forehead into Blaine's neck and hugged him back, soaking in every ounce of comfort he could. After he finally calmed down Sam pulled back again, looked straight at those full eyes and started to lean in. Blaine's eyes fluttered shut and Sam heard his tiny gasp before their lips met for another kiss, this one slower and more deliberate than before. Sam squeezed Blaine closer to him, their hearts pounding against one another through their chests. Blaine tangled his hands in Sam's hair in response causing a guttural moan to escape the blond's chest.

Sam finally understood what everyone talked about when they described kissing someone they loved. An intoxicating warmth spread through him at the feeling of Blaine's lips moving so gently against his own, and the feeling grew more intense when Blaine broke the kiss and whispered against Sam's mouth, "I love you" with such a raw, longing voice that Sam just kissed him again, somewhere in the back of his mind wondering if he would ever be able to get enough of this, enough of Blaine to satisfy this craving.

Sam hoped he would have forever to find out, because he was a unicorn and didn't care one damn bit.


	9. Epilogue

Chapter 9: Epilogue

Colorado

July 16th- Blaine's birthday

It was only about five in the morning when Blaine woke up practically bouncing with excitement. He smiled and carefully untangled himself from Sam's arms, still in disbelief at how incredibly lucky he was that _Sam_ \- like, Sam FREAKING Evans, the hottest guy at his school and his dearest friend- was in love with him. Part of Blaine still feared it was all a blissful dream, as if the pain in his heart had driven him to literal madness and he would wake up one of these mornings and Sam would be gone, never having been there in the first place.

At least that morning wasn't today. Sam was solidly there, lightly snoring with a very slight, subconscious frown at the realization of Blaine's absence. Blaine lightly touched Sam's forehead with his fingertips and released the tension between his eyebrows, and then brushed his lips softly against Sam's cheek. That seemed to do the trick- Sam looked more peaceful now.

Blaine smiled with satisfaction, gathered his things and went to take a shower. After spending a particularly long time gelling his hair into place- it was his birthday, after all- he headed to the kitchen to make some toast. He had his headphones on full blast and was dancing around the kitchen to let out some of his giddiness. Blaine couldn't remember the last time he woke up in this good of a mood- earlier this week they had gotten the amazing news that Dad was in remission and when Sam called his family and told them the great update, Mom suggested that the rest of the Evans family come out here to Colorado to celebrate, and that Blaine's birthday would be the perfect day to do so. Of course Blaine completely agreed because he could not ask for a better gift than his father's recovery.

Although Sam's family was arriving in the early afternoon and Cooper wasn't going to pick up dad from the hospital until the evening, Blaine couldn't possibly sleep anymore. So here he was at nearly six-thirty in the morning, singing "Edge of Glory" under his breath and dancing his way to the fridge to grab the butter. He was so lost in the music and euphoria that he failed to notice Sam's entrance until he grabbed his plate and turned to go sit down, and saw Sam smiling at him from the coffee table.

Blaine jumped and nearly threw his fresh toast off his plate. "Holy-! Sam! How long have been sitting there?" He blushed like crazy. 

Sam's smile grew bigger. "Just for the last bit of that song. Nice moves, by the way."

Blaine huffed and pouted as he sulked to the table. "Spying isn't nice, you know," he said, trying to contain his smile and continue looking offended. He set his plate down and went to sit in the chair next to Sam, but then he felt Sam's muscular arm curl around his waist and pull Blaine down to his lap, and holy shit he could feel Sam's hardness under his thigh!

Sam said amicably, "I'm just happy to see you acting like yourself again, especially on this most special of days." He tightened his grip on Blaine's waist and leaned his face into the crook of his neck. Blaine let out a shaky breath when those soft lips met his sensitive skin, his gut tingling with warmth and his head going dizzy. Sam's voice breathed in his ear between kisses, "Do you know what dance I like more, though?"

Blaine's brain was completely scrambled. He managed to say something like, "Mmm, wha-?" as he grasped onto Sam's sweat pants, the sensations in his body growing unbearably intense. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down.

Sam finally stopped the tantalizing trail of kisses and pulled his head back to look at Blaine. "The dance that you and Mike did for 'Hot for Teacher.' Talk about _hot..."_

A laugh came tumbling from Blaine's lips because that was so not the dance he was expecting to hear. "You thought that was hot? It felt completely ridiculous," he said incredulously.

Sam shook his head. "Definitely not ridiculous," he said lowly before his face turned pink and he looked away.

Blaine laughed and said seductively, "Maybe I'll perform it again, just for you."

Sam whipped his head up with wide eyes and Blaine took advantage of the moment, cupping his hands around Sam's neck and softly kissing those amazing damn lips. He felt Sam's body jerk under him as he gasped and then tightly wrapped his arms around Blaine's torso and pulled him closer. Despite the strange angle his body was at Blaine felt only pleasure as Sam's chest pressed against his own and _holy_ _shit_ it was hot, like Sam himself was made of fire and engulfing Blaine into his delicious flames. He lustfully tangled his hands into Sam's hair, causing him to kiss Blaine harder. A low groan escaped Blaine's throat when he felt Sam's tongue softly push between his lips and explore his mouth. Sam's excitement grew bigger against his thigh and Blaine couldn't stop his own from aching longingly with every passing second. He desperately pulled harder at Sam's hair and felt Sam buck his hips underneath him while he moaned into Blaine's mouth, "Shit, Blaine..." 

Going against every screaming hormone in his libido, Blaine sadly pulled back because the time and place for this was not at the crack of dawn in a tiny kitchen with Blaine's family sleeping barely thirty feet away. Sam obviously understood because leaned his head onto Blaine's shoulder and they both tried to catch their breath. Blaine started absentmindedly combing his fingers through Sam's now tangled hair. He felt Sam give a content sigh as he leaned more weight into Blaine's side, and Blaine couldn't help the loopy grin spreading across his face as if he was high on a drug, a drug called Sam that he would never consider giving up. He chuckled lightly as he thought about this and said truthfully, "Well, this is already the best birthday ever."

Xxxxx

"Now, I'm not so naíve as to think you've never had a drink before, but since it's your eighteenth birthday, allow me to pour your first parent-approved glass of wine," Dad said as he poured the pink liquid into Blaine's glass with a flourish.

"Thanks, dad. I'm honored," Blaine teased. 

Dad rose from his chair and held up his glass of water. "Let's hear it for Blaine!" He exclaimed. Everyone clapped and yelled "Happy birthday!" in unison so loudly that it was a good thing that there were no other cabins too close to theirs. "Son, you've had to become an adult long before today, and that's a shame, but I could not be more proud of the man I've watched you transition to. Happy birthday!" 

Blaine's cheeks warmed up as Cooper and Sam did a sarcastic 'aaaw' before everyone took a drink. Blaine downed half of his glass in one gulp in his embarrassment. Cooper poked Blaine's shoulder and chided, "Oh yeah, that's definitely not a first-time drinker right there."

Sam played along. "Oh trust me, he has experience."

Blaine said indignantly, "Hey, dad said he was perfectly aware of that fact-"

"That doesn't mean I approve," Dad interjected responsibly.

Blaine opened his mouth to argue but Cooper put a hand to his chest. "Ok, ok. Before Blaine downs the rest of his drink, I'd like to propose another toast... To dad! And his clean bill of health!"

"Here, here!" They all yelled and took another drink (Blaine only took a sip this time, thank you very much). 

The Andersons and the Evans could not stop smiling, and Blaine couldn't remember ever feeling this happy and _whole,_ for he had so much to be grateful for- dad was in remission; Blaine was with all of his favorite people on his eighteenth birthday, breathing in the fresh Rocky Mountain air; and last, but by no means the least, Blaine had Sam, in every way he's always wanted. Blaine reached for Sam's hand under the table and gave it a soft squeeze to convey a little bit of the strong emotions he was feeling. Sam turned to him with a shy smile, then quickly planted a chaste kiss on Blaine's cheek and whispered in his ear, "Happy birthday."

Blaine laced their fingers together under the table and smiled back the happy tears filling his eyes. He could hear the raw emotion in his own voice as he replied: 

"The happiest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who stuck it out this far. I hope you enjoyed some Blam!


End file.
